intro // stars #1200 (dnp)

[astraf]

#1200
clan page

She can't remember.
A trade, sight for memory?
Remember him, but lose her sight?
What matters more?
Does she truly want to remember?
Yes.
No.

[astraf]

she used to think she had all the time in the world.
at least, she thinks she did. she doesn't really remember too well.

----------------------

somewhere in her head, she knew, there were the faces and names of her littermates, maybe even her parents.
why did she leave them? did she leave them, or did they leave her? did she used to have a home?
maybe. she couldn't really remember them; she probably just blocked them out of her head because it was too sad. well, that's what she told herself. was it?
she was alone, though. somewhere in the forest she roamed silently. what did she sound like? did she have a voice? the only voice she ever heard was her mind. at least she had that.
well, she thought she had been alone, until one day someone else showed up.
"hello?"
she whipped her head around, searching for the sound. it had all been so quiet, she thought, in her homemade moss den. her claws ached at the thought of how long it took her to make it. but home is home.
"is anyone there?"
oh, right, the unfamiliar voice. was any voice familiar to her? stop getting sidetracked.
"who's there?" her voice was raspy from lack of use, but it was loud enough for the thing to hear it. she knew this because she immediately heard rustling to her left, which was soon followed by a face poking out from the brush.
it was white, a color she hadn't seen in a long time, maybe ever. but it blinked at her with large blue eyes and drew itself out.
"oh thank goodness, someone is out here! im sorry if i startled you, i just haven't detected any other life in a long time."
whatever it was, it seemed talkative. guess it's a good thing to be able to use her voice.
"my name's wren! what's yours?"
"my.. name?" think, you, think! what is your name?
"yeah! if you're fine with telling me, of course." this.. wren got very comfortable, sitting down and gazing at her with those blue eyes. blue, what a strange color.
"woah!"
the fur on her back lifted. what was it with wren now?
"your.. eyes! ive never seen any eyes those colors before." wren was now getting closer to her to stare into her eyes.
her eyes? what was wrong with her eyes? was something wrong with her? what was this thing? this was all happening too fast.
"oh! hey, hey, im sorry, i won't harm you, it's okay!" wren was backing away from her, startled.
"what are you?" she finally croaked out.
"what do you mean? im a cat, like you!"
oh... maybe it was fine then.
"my name is.. pale."
did she say that? she didn't know that. this cat was making her do strange things, and she wasn't sure if she liked that.
"nice to meet you, pale! in any case, would you mind if i stayed here for a bit? ive been traveling for a long time, and i just need some rest."
wren wanted to stay longer? could she handle its strange presence?
"sure, stay."
maybe this would be good. maybe it'll help her. she needed help, she knew, but with what?
"thanks!"
now wren was entering her den. her moss den! whatever. she crawled in after it, and curled up next to it. it seemed startled by that feeling, but she didn't care. it felt right to be next to something else.
maybe this would be good.

----------------------

routine was good. wren was good.
he (as he kept correcting her) was stuck to her now. he had grown attached, and she didn't mind as much as she thought she would. sure, he was overprotective and inquisitive and annoying, but he claims that he has the best at heart.
wren had to teach her a lot about the world and how to survive in it. apparently, she was "half starved" and "extremely dehydrated", whatever that meant. he taught her how to hunt and fend for herself, although he was becoming increasingly worried about the fact that she can't remember things.
every morning he'd ask "do you remember me" and "what color are my eyes", as if she'd ever forget those dazzlingly blue eyes. strangely enough, whenever she thought something like that, she felt something inside her, like a memory wanting to come spilling out. she never told wren this, of course.
wren told her tales of the outside, beyond her forest, and of different cats. he focused on their eyes a lot, explaining how amazing and unique some eyes are. he claims that hers are the most extraordinary ones he's ever seen, but she thinks he's just saying this to make her feel better. wren's fascination of eyes transferred onto her, and now she was incredibly interested in seeing other eyes.
but before she's allowed to go out, wren says, she has to work on talking. this was most difficult for her for some reason, but she was getting better.
oh, and she talks to herself too. wren says it's strange that she never refers to herself as 'I' or 'pale', but instead as 'she' and 'her'. she still doesn't know what he means by this; this was normal to her. "as if there's only one she in the world," he says. much of what wren says is a mystery.
in any case, wren was a huge ball of sunshine. he was her favorite thing of any day, especially since she couldn't remember anything else about them. only wren.
when she brought this up, wren was confused again. he asked her if she remembered anything beyond the day she met him, and she said no. that is the truth, isn't it? does she remember things past then, but.. then forgets about them again?
wren was good. she'd remember wren.
or, she hoped she would.

----------------------

he promised others. he promised he'd bring her to see other cats one day, ones with eyes the color of the autumn leaves or ones as blue as the seas.
if only she could remember who he was.
she knew there was a he with bright blue eyes and fur a color she'd never seen before. but one day he wasn't there anymore. she remembered some other color, the same as maple leaves during fall. and then she saw both of the strange colors together, and then they were gone. she didn't remember much.
he was confused about her, about some things about her. her eyes, what was wrong with her eyes? and the way she spoke, how she said things out loud and didn't refer to herself with her own name.
oh, yes! her name! she had one, she remembered it when she met him! but what was it? did he have a name? what was his?

"miss you."
pale uttered the same two words she had muttered every year for the past three years. she didn't remember this, of course. nor would she remember who she forgot about.

she crawled back into her moss den. her moss den. it seemed empty, but empty seemed familiar. she fell into a peaceful sleep, where she would hope to dream about him. she wanted to remember him. she wanted to know who he was.
but she wouldn't remember. she couldn't remember. why wouldn't she remember? why couldn't she remember?
what was there to remember?

[astraf]

she thought that everything would be okay.
or, at least, she thinks she did. she doesn't really remember too well.

----------------------

she was alone, and that was nice. alone is nice. alone means that there will be silence. silence is nice.
well, she thought alone was nice, but she started missing something. what did she miss? she didnt remember anything important enough to miss.
and that's why she started getting suspicious.
there was something. someone, even. a he. a he to her she. but who was this he? and why did this feel oh so familiar, as if it had been happening for years?
"it has been."
sound. something broke her silence. silence was nice.
"open your eyes."
her eyes were closed? oh, yeah, they were.
she blinked them open, forgetting what it was like to see. in front of her she saw.. a shadow? a shadow was speaking to her?
"turn around."
she felt compelled to. this voice was soothing. soothing things were nice. so, she did, and saw a cat. a cat! that's what the he was! stay on track.
"my name does not matter, and neither does yours. even though this is true, you still yearn for one, yes?"
yes.. yes she did. but how did this cat know this?
"you think you are talking only to yourself in your mind, but you have actually been talking to yourself. this is another thing the.. 'he' told you, correct?"
on second thought, yes, it was. this cat made her remember things. she liked this cat.
"would you like to see him again?"
she immediately wanted to say yes, of course she would. but how did this cat know about her he? oh, right, the cat could hear her. yes, though, yes!
"there's a price, though. would you like to hear my offer?"
"who are you? what are you?"
did she say that? why did it feel familiar to say those words?
"my name was lost somewhere in the universe, but i am a cat just like you. maybe one who has meddled in one too many things larger than myself, but a cat nonetheless."
a myself, interesting. she looked up at this 'myself' for the first time, and noticed its eyes. they were amber with a tinge of yellow. bright, happy colors. but they looked so muddled, and nothing at all like his eyes. his blue eyes, bluer than the sky.
"so, i ask once again, would you like to hear my offer?"
yes.
"simple. sight for memory."
sight? she wouldnt be able to see his blue eyes, or anyone's eyes. he promised her eyes, she knew, but how would she be able to see their eyes?
memory? she would be able to see him, to remember who he was. maybe she'd even remember her family. remembering was good.
"you have seven sunrises to make your decision. on the seventh sunrise, i will find you."
she nodded. there they went, but she had to start thinking about this as soon as possible.
then 'myself' was gone, leaving her to think her thoughts.

----------------------

him. if the cat was offering her a chance to see him again, that must mean he was still around. why did he leave her? did she leave him, or did he leave her? she didnt know, but she wanted to see him again. she wanted to see his eyes.

"be okay."
pale uttered the same two words she had muttered every year for the past three years. she didn't remember this, of course. nor would she ever find out if they were, for she would never end up accepting the cat's request.

she stayed up that night, thinking about him. sight or memory? what was more important? how could she possibly decide this impossible decision?
at least there were stars. stars were good. stars were bright. she could rely on stars. stars were like eyes. they were all different, even if they all seemed the same.
she wanted to see him, to know who he was. he, with bright blue eyes and fur a color she'd never seen before.
she wanted to remember him. she wouldn't remember him. she couldn't remember him. why wouldn't she remember him? why couldn't she remember him? what was there to remember about him?

[astraf]

she thought that she had eyes stranger than any other.
at least, she thinks she does. she doesn't really remember too well.

----------------------

more sounds. more sounds than she had ever heard. they broke her silence. her quiet. but the sounds were a welcome sound, because sounds helped her think. and boy did she need to think.
sounds were nice. sounds she could handle.
what she couldn't handle was what was making those sounds.
she thought they were just sounds. nothing less, nothing more. but instead what she found was a group of cats. they called themselves a "patrol", whatever that was. but while the sounds stayed the same, the cats would change. that was fine. at least she got to see more eyes.
that was how she thought originally, but then one day they brought their "leader" named birdstar.
birdstar was nice, but not as nice as him. she missed him.
"him? who's him?"
oh, right, she forgot she wasn't just thinking these things. a mind diary, birdstar had called it.
"i can still hear you."
oh yeah. him.. she didn't know. she didn't know what him was, all that there was a him and he had bright blue eyes and fur a color she'd never seen before. and he was a cat, and he had a name.
"what was his name?"
well she wouldn't be calling him 'him' if she knew his name, now would she?
"no, i guess not."
birdstar had been coming every day for.. a day. everything seemed to be happening much quicker than it actually was. all she did was ask her questions about her past. she also brought a cat with the most stunning eyes she's ever seen. they were the color of blossoms, and the shape of the stars. snailleaf, his name was. a he, but not her he.
she still couldn't remember her name, or his name, but she did tell birdstar about the myself, and my trade offer. birdstar said she'd never hear of anyone like that before. birdstar seemed very smart.
"thank you. although, if i may ask, why do you have such a fascination with eyes?"
him. he told her he'd show her other cats, ones with eyes the color of the autumn leaves or ones as blue as the seas.
"interesting. and what was his pelt, you say?"
a color she did not know the name of, for it was strange. a color she'd never seen before. and then one day there was another color, and then both of them together, then nothing.
birdstar's eyes were nice, though. like a dull fern. dull colors were nice, but not as nice as bright blue.
"i have one last question for you- would you like to join my clan?"
clan?
"the cats i lead, the ones that call me their leader. we are a group, and our name is skylight walkers. if you joined us, we could protect you in return for your aid in battles and prey. or herbs, if that's more your style. you're old enough to be a warrior, although you have not been trained yet, so you'd start out as an apprentice. you need a name, though."
aid. that sounded nice. but would there be sound?
"there's always sound, so yes."
good. sound helped her think. yes, she decided, she will join this clan that aids.
"right, follow me then."
she stood up from where she had been interviewed and followed birdstar and snailleaf both to this clan that aids.

----------------------

next thing she knew, she was inside the camp.
there was scarcely any movement- birdstar had explained to her that most cats would be on patrol now, and the only cats left in camp were a few warriors, an elder, a queen, and her kit. she was introduced to all of them though, and was most intrigued by starspeed, the elder. apparently she was actually quite young, but after she was struck by lighting, half-blinding her, she had retired. what a strange and rare occurrence! how interesting!
the mother seemed very goopy, but she remained polite because it was birdstar's daughter, fawnsong, and her kit, alliumfawn. the 'few warriors' were foliageclaw - a very tough-looking cat -, lynxfrost, oaksnow, and tidefrog. even the 'healers' were out 'gathering herbs'. she didn't know what a healer was, nor gathering herbs. but that was okay.
the cats liked her, and she liked their eyes. one can tell a lot about a cat from their eyes, she realized. those things contained a lot of memories.
speaking of memories, the thought of him seemed to be fading, replaced by the thoughts of her new clanmates. he had bright blue eyes, that she could remember at least. but what was it he told her about her eyes? what did he say about the way she spoke? was he cold or warm? moon or sun?
she had six more sunrises until she'd be able to see him again. until then, she'd think about him every day so she wouldn't forget.
she settled into her new nest, one in a bush instead of a moss den, and thought about him.

"every day."
pale uttered the same two words she had muttered every year for the past three years. she didn't remember this, of course. nor did she remember that she'd forget about him completely on the fourth day, no matter how much she thought about him.

she was tired. seeing others made her tired. too many eyes, too many colors, too many memories. but his bright blue eyes would never make her tired, never make her want to stop looking in fear of going in too deep.
she wanted to see him. she wouldn't see him. she couldn't see him. why wouldn't she see him? why couldn't she see him? what was there to see?

[astraf]

she used to not have anyone, now she has everyone.
at least, she thinks she didn't. she doesn't really remember too well.

----------------------

the next sunrise. her second one. she had already made up her decision; she would do the trade. of course she would; she'd do anything to to see him again. she felt so strongly about him, even though he was fading from her head. she knew he was important. well, she thinks he is.
she left her "den", careful not to step on any of the "warriors" that were everywhere, still asleep. it was early morning, she realized.
as she exited the den, she noticed the 'deputy' surrounded by more cats. she, of course, didn't know them all by name yet, since birdstar hadn't introduced her to everyone yet. but they had some very unique eyes, which she loved.
one cat noticed her and called her over. the cat had fur a color she'd never seen before, and blue eyes. the eyes weren't as blue as his though; nothing was.
oh! she remembered something about him! he also had fur a color she hadn't seen before, and bright blue eyes! the brightest eyes she'd ever seen, and ever would. how did she not remember that about him?
"flowerthought? are you okay?"
eyes. so many eyes, all looking at her. how could she ever be able to recognize all those eyes? would she be able to see his eyes when she saw him, or would her thoughts be too full of others'?
"get lighthaven!"
too much. the eyes were too much. the eyes-
"flowerthought! stay calm, okay? focus on my eyes."
she turned to the voice. a voice that seemed so familiar, yet wasn't familiar at all. it was a he, but not her he.
the eyes. they were amber, maybe gold. she liked his eyes. they were like her he's eyes. soothing. calming.
"goldensun? is she okay?"
she! she was a she.
"yes, she'll be fine."
"what happened?"
"she said something about eyes, then almost blacked out."
eyes! she liked eyes. he liked eyes.
him! she liked this cat, 'goldensun'. he reminded her of her he, and that was good. remembering was good. he was good.
"flowerthought?"
that was not her name. she had a name, she must. she told him it, why can't she remember?
"but it is your name, i thought?"
no. she didn't remember her name, but that wasn't it.
"oh. well, my name is goldensun, and it's nice to meet you. although, we didn't exactly get off on the right paw, but that's okay."
this goldensun was confusing. but confusion made her think, and thinking made her remember. she liked this cat.
"that's good. are we friends, then?"
friend? what a strange word.
"it means that we have a good relationship, we like each other."
she likes this cat. goldensun was a friend, then.
goldensun smiled. she liked smiles. he smiled.
him. she wanted to see him again. five more sunrises, that's all.
the cats in the camp stopped looking at her. the eyes were gone, and that was good. all she needed to see were goldensun's eyes, and she was fine. but they still weren't his eyes. nothing could compare to his eyes.

"friend."
pale uttered the same two words she had muttered every year for the past three years. she didn't remember this, of course. nor did she remember that she'd forget about this cat after he was gone. he would betray, or he would die. there was no question about it.

her friend would leave, but he'd be back soon. or, he said. it felt familiar, scarily familiar. she wouldn't tell goldensun this, nor birdstar or anyone else.
even that felt familiar. but she couldn't remember. why couldn't she remember? at this point, was it a choice? was she her own downfall?
him. that's all she had to remember; him.

[astraf]

she thought.. she thought all would be well.
or did she? did she ever think anything at all?

----------------------

the third sunrise. four more, and she'd see him again. that's all she wanted, yet why did it seem so hard?
she felt as though her mind was slipping out of her head. she felt like she was falling apart. she needed him.
"hey, flowerthought! how are you doing today?"
goldensun. a he, a good he, but not the he. he was her friend though, and that was good. he could be annoying though, but he had the best at heart.
familiar. he felt so familiar. thinking that felt familiar.
"not too good?"
she looked at his amber eyes. she had slept in a different den, one that smelled strongly of flowers. she liked flowers.
back on track! no, but how did he know this?
"you say that you can tell a lot from someone's eyes, and the same goes for you."
oh.
he laughed. a soft, soothing sound. he was nice. he was comforting.
"I'm glad. well, the good news is that you won't have to stay here for much longer."
that was fine, although she'd miss the scent of the flowers.
"you will? every time I come in here it gives me a headache from all the smells."
no, no. they were nice.
"what's your favorite?"
favorite?
"flower, favorite flower."
alliums. she liked alliums. oh, and marigolds. those were nice too.
"hmm.. alliums and marigolds. i know where to find some of those, if you want me to get some for your nest?"
flowers.. flowers for her?
"yes! they can be yours, and make your nest smell as, uh, good as this place."
that sounded good. flowers sounded good.
"well, come on then!"
together? she and he?
"yes, if you want to come."
good. that sounded good. maybe it'd help her remember more about him. when she was around goldensun, he helped her remember, and remembering was good, like the flowers.

----------------------

alliums and marigolds. so many they had to take several trips to return to her nest. she loved them, and she loved her time with goldensun. it felt familiar to be close. it reminded her of him.
him.. she could scarcely remember him now. all she could think of was those flowers. she knew he had bright eyes, and fur a color she'd only seen in the middle of winter.
his name and her name, forever cast away in her mind, just like the memories of everything before he came.
she wanted to know what was before him, what was during him, what will become of him. her siblings, her parents, maybe even friends.
friends.. maybe she had those. maybe she used to have the greatest of friends, and then forgot about them.
that made her sad. she didn't want to be sad.
she looked at her flowers. her flowers reminded her of goldensun and him, both at the same time. why? why did she think the things she did?
movement, a sound. it was goldensun, she could tell.
"how do you like them?"
they're sorrowful, yet beautiful. i like them.
"oh, well that's.. good, I hope. mind if i come in?"
what an odd request. yes, yes, of course.
goldensun settled next to her. the feeling was familiar, just like everything else about goldensun.
"yknow, winter's coming up. there's a thing that us loners do called "the ice-time valentine", which is a holiday where you find a cat you like and bestow upon them a gift related to winter, or ice-time as we called it. the gift would be special to them, or to the cat that gave them it. it's really quite nice, and I was wondering.."
yes, i accept, of course I do! you're my only friend and I care about you.
he winced when she said 'only friend'. was that a bad thing? did she do something wrong?
"no, not at all! but that's good, because.."
two flowers.
one purple, the brightest allium she'd ever seen.
the other green, but a green she'd never seen before.
they struck awe into her. why? why were they special?
"i made them match your eyes! they really are special, you know."
her eyes.. her eyes. he said something about her eyes once. was there something wrong with them?
"no, no, it's okay! they're amazing!"
oh.
the flowers were special, familiar. how many times would this cat make her have a sense of familiarity?
she'd keep them. she put them with her other alliums and marigolds, and made sure they were safe. they must be protected at all costs.

thank you.

----------------------

the fourth sunrise, and something was off.
her alliums were in full bloom, yet her winter valentine's gifts were dead.
they seemed to taunt her.
she stepped outside her den, and saw a trail. a trail of purple and mint flower petals, those from her flowers. her gifts from goldensun.
she glanced back, and the marigolds were closing their petals. the alliums stayed bright. the gifts stood out sorely.
she felt an urge to follow it, as she once had with the strange color.
it had led to him.
him.
which him?
she froze. she remembered. she remembered the strange color, the same as the roses she saw while she was with goldensun. she saw it with him, his winter-colored pelt. but was it winter, or was it summer? was it his snow-like pelt, or was it with goldensun's amber-red pelt?
she followed the trail.
outside the camp.
into her forest.
to her previous camp, still standing.
to goldensun.
the petals were scattered over him. they were beautiful, yet something was off with his eyes.
they weren't bright and warm amber, they were empty.
were they supposed to be warm? she didn't remember.

"winter valentine."
pale uttered something different over goldensun's body. this was not supposed to happen. she would remember this, like she would remember-

[astraf]

she didn't know anymore. what she remembered, what she didn't. she needed him.

----------------------

the fifth sunrise. goldensun was gone. he was still gone. why couldn't she have something good happen to her?
the alliums were a bit wilted. the gifts were still dead, yet she didn't want to get rid of them. the marigolds were also dead, and birdstar had taken them away when she visited.
she didn't do much now. birdstar had checked in at the end of the fourth day because of goldensun, but she didn't really talk much.
all she can think about now is him.
two days, and then she'd see him. or, not see him, but remember him. she wouldn't be able to see at all, actually. that was the deal. sight for memory.
would she remember everything, or just him? would he be there, would she be able to feel his winter fur and see his bright blue eyes? not see. she wouldn't be able to see anything ever again. was it worth it?
she just wanted him to come back. that's all she ever wanted since she lost him.
she'd know his name. maybe she'd even know her own name.
she wouldn't know, not until it happened.
she couldn't remember when it's supposed to happen now. six sunrises? seven? eight? could she be getting her hopes up, and it's actually just a trick, and the strange cat won't come at all?
she wouldn't be able to remember him now that goldensun was gone.
goldensun! would she be able to see goldensun again?
oh, yes, she would! she'd be able to remember everything, not just him!
was that good or bad? did she even care about him anymore?
someone was coming; tawnyshadow. she was nice, or at least she thought she was.
"hey, flowerthought! how are you?"
she wasn't good. bad, even.
"oh, how come?"
him. them. two he's, both lost. a deal. a decision. remembering? blindness?
"woah, woah, how about you start from the beginning?"
she can't remember.
"I know that, I meant about this 'him'."
she can't remember him.
"you don't.. remember him? then how do you know he exists?"
she knows he does. she remembered a presence, but not anything too specific. he had fur a color she had only seen during winter, and bright blue eyes. he told her of other eyes, and he promised her something. then there was the color of roses, and then nothing. he had a name, but..
"you don't remember it."
yes. she had one too, and it wasn't flowerthought.
"interesting. and what was this deal?"
someone came to her, offered her memory for sight. she'd remember him and everything else, but she'd lose her eyesight.
"seems shady, to say the least."
she had time, a time limit. but she didn't remember how long she had.
"so this cat could come any day to steal your eyes?"
eyes. her eyes, they were special. they both said so.
tawnyshadow was confused. she didn't care.
"I mean, they are. I've never heard of someone with one purple and one green eye before."
the winter valentine gift. one purple allium, the other a rose made green. how? why did he care about her?
bright blue and amber.
but it was fine. she was fine. please leave.
"o-okay?"
all she wanted was him. not goldensun, a distraction. just him.
she was fine. she needed to calm down.
she wished she could look at goldensun's eyes.

----------------------

the sixth sunrise, and she just wanted to sleep.
"flowerthought?"
a figure. was it the cat that had promised her her memory?
"it's me, nightbarn. could you watch alliumpaw for a bit please? she's being quite a nuisance."
"am not!"
allium.. alliumpaw. alliums were nice. she liked alliums.
nightbarn was gone, and she was alone with alliumpaw.
alliumpaw would not be quiet. she talked about birds, mice, herbs, the latest battle move, and all she wanted to do was sleep. she was very talkative.
he was talkative, too.
she shot her eyes open. he was? she didn't remember that.
"stop."
she said something? she thought she could only think her thoughts out loud, not choose to speak. alliumpaw shut up and looked at her.
it was good she could still speak. she wanted silence to be able to think.
then.. it came back.

whatever it was, it seemed talkative. guess it's a good thing to be able to use her voice.
"my name's wren! what's yours?"
"my.. name?" think, you, think! what is your name?
"yeah! if you're fine with telling me, of course." this.. wren got very comfortable, sitting down and gazing at her with those blue eyes. blue, what a strange color.
"woah!"
the fur on her back lifted. what was it with wren now?
"your.. eyes! ive never seen any eyes those colors before." wren was now getting closer to her to stare into her eyes.
her eyes? what was wrong with her eyes? was something wrong with her? what was this thing? this was all happening too fast.
"oh! hey, hey, im sorry, i won't harm you, it's okay!" wren was backing away from her, startled.
"what are you?" she finally croaked out.
"what do you mean? im a cat, like you!"
oh... maybe it was fine then.
"my name is.. pale."

"wren!" she cried, so loud it scared alliumpaw.
his name was wren. he had white fur and bright blue eyes and he made her remember things about herself and he loved eyes and he promised her he'd show her all different eyes and he was a cat, like her.
her.. her name was pale. she had special eyes and talked weird and only referred to herself as 'she' and 'her' and not 'I'.
wren was dead.
goldensun was dead.
they were gone.

"pale machine."
pale said these words mindlessly. she was not supposed to. she wasn't supposed to remember wren nor goldensun. what went wrong?

[astraf]

there was still more to remember, and more to decide.

----------------------

the seventh sunrise. she had remembered some, and not all.
she was in the forest, getting new marigolds. she kept the alliums and gifts, of course. she wanted to remember goldensun by something, if she couldn't remember wren.
"wren?"
today. it was today.
she turned, although she did not need to. it was the cat, the one that promised her memory. it was her time.
"I take it you remembered part of, if not all of, him. did you?"
partly, not entirely.
"my offer still stands. do you have your answer?"
yes.
"and? do you choose to remember all of wren, and all of your past, and all of whoever else you've met? or would you rather stay oblivious, and possibly never remember them again?"
I have decided to decline.
"decline?" the cat was confused, she could tell. "why would you decline something like this?"
there was a voice in her ear, yelling at her. "this wasn't supposed to happen, it went wrong, what went wrong?"
the cat suddenly stopped and gazed at her, understanding in its eyes.
"the curse is broken. you don't need to have me fix your memory, because it has already been fixed. if it hasn't already, it will."
the voice screeched louder. she did not flinch. she did not move.
"IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FOREVER! YOU WERE MEANT TO SUFFER FOR WHAT YOU DID!"
she didn't know what any of this meant. all she knew was that she could remember wren, and that she loved him. he was dead, and that was okay. she could move on.
someone couldn't, and made her destined to fall into a cycle of forgetting every year. she didn't know who they were, but that was okay too.
the cat nodded towards her. "it was a pleasure. it is unlikely we will meet again, so may the stars be in your favor."
another cat lost. but that was fine.
the screeching turned to incoherent babbling in the back of her mind. she continued to pick marigolds.
something white suddenly appeared, placing one paw over the marigold. shocked, she glanced up and saw them.
the dazzlingly blue eyes, the ones as blue as the ocean and bright as the skies.
wren smiled. it was a soft smile, a nice smile.
he turned his paw over and there was a flower, the same color as his eyes.
she didn't want him to leave, but all good things must come to an end eventually, no matter how short they were there for. he was gone within seconds, leaving the blue flower behind.
she held it in her paw, a warmth seeming to flow from it. or, maybe it was coming from the ghost right in front of her.
this one was the same color as the autumn leaves, his fur matching his eyes.
he gave her one singular object; a feather that appeared to have its own eyes. how strange, she thought. a feather with eyes. she did love eyes, so it was perfect.
goldensun was gone.

----------------------

she had five flowers and a strange feather. some were intrigued by her feather, others questioned how one day she seemed to suddenly remember everything about her past, but she didn't care, nor did she answer questions.
the bundle of her gifts sat tucked in her moss bed, moved into the warriors den. nobody questioned why she changed her name from flowerthought to pale, and nobody cared too much when she became a loner. alliumpaw was curious about wren, but she would never answer her.
her world had changed, and not necessarily for the better or worse. it was simply different, and that was okay.
everything must change in the end.