healing. finally being fixed.
it was all he had ever wanted. but those crowns that displayed perfection would never be his. he had always been like this.. too
serious. too cynical. far from lovable.
they would say he was far from alright.
they would say that his heart had been replaced with a bitter stone.. that whatever was left of it had been poisoned, turning the
sweetest of emotions into something sinister.
but.. it was far from that.
he had been lovable once.
sweet. thoughtful. funny. once perfect in the eyes of someone that lit up his entire world. but, it was all gone now.
he had tried.. tried again and again to fix himself. to cover up the scars that ran much deeper than skin-deep.
but… with her gone. it was impossible.
she was his entire world.
her smiles. her light-hearted laugh. she always lived in the moment.. brushing aside her heartache to truly love him. and.. he loved
her in return. he would never forget those beautiful eyes that captivated azure butterflies.. how they fluttered whenever he
chorused the lullabies that he had made up on his own. they never sounded good.. too clunky, cheesy even.. but ilyana, she loved
them anyway.
she had always been shy if he asked her to sing. said that her voice was too squeaky, even worse than his.
but whenever she did.. it was like the angels of flora and fauna had come together to sing. those symphonies… they were light and
dainty. gentle in the dancing shadows of nightfall.
"i've never heard you sing before, love."
letting a gentle chuckle as a cerulean butterfly landed on the crown of her head, roses blossomed within the maiden's cheeks,
turning it into a coral pink. "i bet your voice would be gorgeous, maybe even better than mine."
he could see her, now.
beneath the soft light from the morning star, she looked like an angel. the queen of the heavens. a halo of light danced above
her head as her eyes fluttered to the valleys below.
"you'd be completely surprised, alek," the curve of her lip faltered a bit, her smile more nervous as her fingers danced above a
dandelion, hovering over it as if she were about to pick it. "i think you sound better than me.. i sound like a mouse."
"ah, ilyana. i seriously doubt that! if anything you would sound like a songbird." eyes fluttering shut in a little wink, he
nudged her gently. "if you're scared i'll laugh, i promise i won't."
a heartbeat went by.. one then two.
then.. she sang. sang like a songbird. an angel. the queen of stars.
she sang of a village girl who fell in love with a prince. how they sacrificed everything to runaway.. and how much it was worth
it in the end.
her songs.. they were the last memory he ever had of her.
no.. it was one of the last memories he had ever had of her.. because a lifetime ago, he had once held onto little souls that
sang a falsetto of tears. little kits that wailed for their mother.
they were so beautiful.. just like her.
alluring in every single way as their tears adorned the meadows beneath. they called for her.. called for their mother that would
never come back. that would never sing to them or tell them stories as they wandered into a place of dreams. never again.
for she was gone like a falling star.
he couldn’t raise them with her gone. couldn’t bear to look at them.. at their curls that looked just like hers. he couldn’t do it.
couldn’t be the father that they deserved.
so, he gave them away -no- left them defenseless in woody dales for someone to find them. dead or alive.
and he remembered that day all too well.
all around him the cadence of rain were radiated, spilling over into the silence like a waterfall. the skies.. or perhaps the
angels, were weeping, their tears falling among the rain that touched the earth with a gentleness like no other, as if pleading him
to change his mind about what was to come.
the moon was nowhere in sight, almost like it had fallen from the sky, leaving the world into eternal darkness. the stars had been
disguised in the dark plumes overhead, their gold lights drained out, washed away by angelic tears.
but.. among all the chaos of falling rain and eternal sorrows.
he could hear them.. the mewls of ilyana’s last mark of this world. his kits. all of them were nameless. but forever special in his
heart. but, even so.. he was a failure. a terrible father. but.. this was what was best for them.. for him.
they couldn’t spend their lives raised by a cat who couldn’t bear the sight of them.
this was what needed to be done. someone else would raise them. someone else would love them as their own. someone else
would treat them better than he ever could. he would always love them… however faraway they may be.
but inside.. his heart ached.
he would never get the chance to see them grow up or even know their true names. he would never get to sing them the songs that
would make their mother smile and cringe at the same time.
would this be what ilyana wanted?
no.
because, if she were here.. right now with him. she would scold him like one would do for a kit. she would tell him he was crazy
and that he lost his mind. but.. after, she would kiss him and tell him that he was perfect.
but, she wasn’t here now.
she was gone and would never come back.
so, he left them there.
underneath the laurel tree, whose leaves drooped as the rain fell. and kept them warm under a shrub of roses and thorns before he
turned around, leaving them defenseless against whatever the monsters of the world had in store for them.
but, it turned out that the only monster of this world was himself.
for he was heartless.
cynical.
self-centered.
changed.
unlovable.
but, whenever he lay beneath the stars above.. he would remember the cat he once was. the cat, ilyana knew.
the cat who was sweet.
thoughtful.
funny.
lovable.
and perfect.
