Item #: STRS-2800
Object Class: Safe
Risk Class: Caution
Special Containment Procedures: STRS-2800 is to be kept within the 1,500 mile radius of wooded wilderness and subsequent small domiciles, communities, et. cetera at all times. If STRS-2800 happens to wander, miraculously, outside of the alloted 1,500 mile radius, an alarm will sound, notifying staff of the breach. The 1,500 mile radius is to be monitored bi-weekly for signs of low prey and stocked in such cases, lest STRS-2800 wander in search of food.
Description: STRS-2800 takes the appearance of a regular black-red tortoiseshell Felis catus with brindled bicolor mutation and complete heterochromia, making the left eye purple and the right eye red.
While seemingly harmless, STRS-2800's cuteness only serves to lower your guard. The main objective STRS-2800 has is to prank, trick, fool or even humiliate her victim. Though these may seem like trivial matters, their victims beg to differ. Below is a log of a victim impact statement, taken from a young rogue. His speech is written in standard text. The Handler's is in italics.
Addendum A: Victim Impact Statement wrote:Date: 05-01-2023
Interviewed: Nimblefoot
Interviewer: Handler
<Begin Log>
Good morning, Nimblefoot. How are you feeling?
I'm alright. Let's get this over with, please.
Understood. Tell me about your encounter with STRS-2800.
I swear, that cat is evil! She approached me in the woods, I was all turned around and lost.. if I'd known then what I do now, I would've turned tail and run!
Did she speak to you? What did she say?
Sorry, sorry. Yes, she spoke to me. She asked me if my refrigerator was running. I asked her what a refrigerator is, I've never heard of such a thing! She didn't even answer me! She just said "you'd better go catch it" and walked away!
Is that all?
Hardly! I followed her, asking if she knew where I could find food or shelter.
And what was the outcome?
She told me there was a friendly clan nearby, one that would take me in for as long as I needed, even let me stay for good. She told me very specific instructions for how to get there, which I followed! I'm nothing if not good at following directions.
Did you find the clan?
What do you think?! No, I didn't find any such clan. I walked for ages until my legs nearly gave in. When I finally reached the clearing she had told me about, it was totally empty! At first I thought perhaps the clan had moved their territory but no, of course not. Instead, a massive badger came swaggering out of a hidden burrow. I nearly died!
How did you manage to escape?
Believe it or not, that damned cat showed up again! She was laughing and laughing, prancing around the badger and leading it this way and that around the clearing. I managed to scramble away while she distracted it. I would be thankful if it weren't her who led me there!
So it was intentional?
Yes, of course! She told me herself! Laughing all the time she did, as if my life flashing before my eyes was some great amusement to her! She did lead me to a clan, however. Not, of course, without pulling a few more tricks along the way.
More tricks?
Yes, yes, more stupid tricks. Slyly avoiding a covered hole in the ground while leading me to walk directly into it, disappearing into the treetops only to reappear by leaping down at me like some big hawk, shaking the trees as I walked under them so pinecones fell on my head.. I could go on.
That's enough for today. Thank you.
Just keep her away from me, that will be thanks enough.
<End Log>
Addendum B: Interview Log 2800-A wrote:
Date: 05-02-2023
Interviewed: STRS-2800
Interviewer: Handler
Foreword: After careful observation of STRS-2800's activities for several months, permission was granted to approach STRS-2800 for questioning.
<Begin Log>
Handler: Good afternoon, STRS-2800.
STRS-2800: Is it a good afternoon? Hmm, let's find out..
Handler: How are you feeling today?
STRS-2800: With my paws, of course!
Handler: Are you aware of a certain cat going by the name of Nimblefoot?
STRS-2800: He's hardly nimble! He couldn't even dodge a pinecone!
Handler: So you're familiar with the cat I'm referring to?
<STRS-2800 is observed laughing heartily.>
STRS-2800: I know him, of course! Is he well? He's surely well.
Handler: You're aware, then, that Nimblefoot was nearly sent to Starclan on your direction?
STRS-2800: Aw c'mon, it's hardly that serious! That badger is a big ole slowpoke! She couldn't swipe him if he was standing still!
Handler: That's not what he said.
STRS-2800: He's a hearty one, he is. He would have been just fine! Let's not get carried away here!
Handler: Understood. Moving on. Has prey been easy to find recently?
STRS-2800: Oh sure, I barely have to look to find a vole or a mouse or squirrel somewhere! Though to be honest, I am tiring of this boring place. Heyy... you wouldn't happen to be able to get me out of here, would you?
Handler: I'm afraid not. Do you find yourself going hungry at all?
STRS-2800: Say... let me show you something.
Handler: That is ill advised, STRS-2800.
<STRS-2800 is observed climbing a tree behind the Handler.>
Handler: That's enough for today.
<End Log>
Addendum C: Bagged Evidence wrote:
A nose and paw print are stamped into a piece of birch bark with a mixture of smashed blueberries and blackberries. The effect is similar to ink, especially considering the seeds and skins were removed to create a smooth paste. Alongside the birch bark is a tuft of fur, artfully weaved into a small braid. Both items are carefully packed into a clear bag that was found by the twolegplace.
Addendum D: Update wrote:
Date: 05-04-2023
It has come to our attention that STRS-2800 has escaped the compound. Any attempt to trace their whereabouts has come up empty-pawed. While they pose a risk, it is not serious enough at this time to justify releasing our full arsenal to capture her. We wish whomever finds her very good luck.
Addendum E: Closing Statement wrote:
Date: 05-13-2023
We have finally located STRS-2800. They have settled into a colony known to us as Rosemary Meadows. After many hours of deliberation, we have decided not to disturb this peaceful land. She does not seem to be causing them much trouble as of yet and it has come to our attention that another, former, STRS member is active in this colony. It should not be difficult for them to handle her. We wish her happiness and success in this new chapter of her life and hope she does not force our hand. It would be a shame for us to have to disturb the idyllic farmlands she has settled in.
