idk.
oekaki is being whack. icons wouldnt load the whole time. laggy pen. you know.
haven't drawn anything in a while. esp not with my old best character.
im starting to really understand her in a way i didnt before.
pardon my rant., but
i havent felt anything major in over a year. i am nearly incapable of sadness anymore, even when i know that i should be. its just empty. i can still have fun. and i can still feel things. its just...not right. idk. something has changed.
thats how saamany has felt the past x years that shes been in existence and i underestimated how much it sucks. sorry for putting you through that, b. my bad.
just ranting. im glad to have finally drawn saamany for the first time in forever. shes refreshing. miss her.

I think all of you will be able to relate to this in some way but I dont know if anyone will fully understand the struggle and the general mess that is my life, this might turn into a long rant so be warned, none of this is me trying to be 'quirky' or 'special' it's all a real struggle and I'd rather get rid of it than be a snowflake.

so to start off, I am an ambivert. for those who dont know, an ambivert is what is in between introvert and extrovert, in my case being around people makes me extremely exhausted and I am very awkward socially but I need to be around certain specific people to recharge and being around those people makes me more extroverted (?) or open or just more out and human-like??? Im not sure what the right words are but you get it, this wasnt a problem before because I would go to school with these people and I'd see them almost every day but now school is over and I have a job and everyone lives really far away and none of my coworkers are that type of person so Im constantly tired and ticked off and I cant sleep.
aside from that there are several other issues, like physical tuch, I dont like how people feel, or rather when someone tuches me the sense of their skin on my skin lingers and sometimes I can walk around for days feeling like there is an actual hand on my shoulder. some areas of my body are off limit zones because I get panic attacks, like my neck, if you touch my neck I will just shut down, its like I get lost, but not in space, more like in time (???) like I'll just sit in a corner for hours and I wont know when I am or how long I've been or how to get back (?????) and I'll be scared and I feel like death. so you cant hug me. some people can, but that's if we're really close and I trust them and it cant be a surprise or I'll freak out. I have been looking into this because just getting a label on what is going on would be nice, I found a list of symptoms of autism in women and I tic most of the boxes but my parents have been refusing to help me contact a professional to see if Im right (because Im a 'grown up' and I should be able to do it myself) and I severely lack the ability to approach strangers, even if their job is to help me I feel like Im bothering them and I get too anxious to do anything. so I dont know if Im autistic or if my problems come from somewhere else.
my parents also decided very suddenly that I am now a grown human who should be able to survive on my own and that I need to get a more stable job and pay rent for still living at home and always get up earlier than 8 even if I dont have work. on top of this I didnt finish highschool and at first I wasnt too bothered but Im slowly realizing that my entire life and all I have been doing up until now that is of significance has been school related. all we do for the first 16-20whatever years of our lives is just school and then we get a final grade or degree and we worked for it our entire upbringing and I didnt get it, I wasted all this time and effort and I got nothing because I gave up and I feel pathetic and like a waste of life. and the reason I failed was so stupid to, it's that belief that Im constantly bothering people, I couldnt bring myself to hand in the final assignment, whenever I tried I just panicked and gave up and I know it doesnt make any sense because me handing my stuff in would have made my tachers job easier but logic doesnt matter in those moments.
and I guess that my life isnt that bad on the surface, I have a home and access to food and water and a family that cares about me and free education and healthcare (sweden) and I should be fine but my brain is messing it all up.

again, sorry for a long rant/vent but I needed to get some stuff out because I feel like a pile of garbage right now and I couldnt concentrate on anything else before getting this down ^^"
Im not looking for attention or pity, I just hope that someone sees this and understands.

I got my hair cut!! It's super short and I love it!!

yeh...nothing good came out of this crazy experience.

but uhh,i can do internet stuff on my switch now!..

edit:vid on how to do it.
Weathering with You

gonna stream again today for a little bit ^v^

got more art fight revenges to get to ;v;

you can come watch me draw or just hang out with other cool peeps here: https://picarto.tv/CeruleanWake

over due to technical difficulties :((

TFP SG Starscream and Knockout

jus playin around

dis is a lil goblin character of mine! this is my first time using oekaki and aaa i tried my best

It's unlined sketch has been laying in my drafts for so long and now it can finally see the light of day.
And it's hungry. Poor thing hasn't eaten in months! ..yet it is still living and breathing.

I will play around with their colouring if I'm bored again.

mfw im just sitting at my computer making super weird faces while trying to draw the face. mayb i need to invest in a desk mirror

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaLV82vOSsQ

Woops, shirtless boys!
These characters belong to me and my girlfriend - North is her human character and Abel is my vampire character.
I just wanted to draw her something to cheer her up, so I hope this makes her happy when she wakes up tomorrow <3

my boy helio :')
havent drawn him in AGES

he was a pretty popular character in my Scratch days haha;;

just some random practice for the fists

and because of this song o 3o

OH SNAP I JUST REALIZED XD
THE CYCLE OF SING ME TO SLEEP HAS BEEN BROKEN

idk just messin around

timer is off

we had a sub at volleyball today and they obliterated us with drills

i demand all of you to stop liking this

an ALPHA

notes;;

• no definite name// in devalin tongue he is only referred to as 'warrior'
• shorter than the average devalin, but no less an 'alpha'
• red eyes was the one to snitch on M'luckt'oh
• he doesn't say much, so when he does speak, any devalin will listen
• would be considered an 'elder'/he doesn't have any other ability other than shifting forms
• but he's incredibly fast and has outstanding reflexes, and has never lost a fight
• nothing gets past him either/he hears + sees all
• will later cause a lot of trouble for Hadok

a lil BETA

history;; //more notesssss

• a reincarnated bab
• initially a human, she was Shade's first love
• things happened and he failed to save her, and she died a pretty gruesome death
• one day she just kinda,,, wakes up in another body!!
• one look in a mirror and she was absolutely horrified, so pictured above is her internal image of herself
• this form looks absolutely nothing like how she was as a human
• she's lost and confused and in a world she's never even heard of before so of course she's having constant panic attacks
• eventually she goes a lil psycho and demands someone sends her back home
• it's her fault the devalin species found Earth
• she is reunited with Shade, but he is definitely not happy to see her
• :)

figured nobody would be interested in this kind'f alien species so!! they're all mine lmao!!

• Devalin, said as [Day-Vuh-Leen]
  
• summary; a cannibalistic, shapeshifting, parasitic humanoid-alien species slowly making its way toward Earth via supernatural abilities
  
  • they have no empathy
  • terms like 'family', 'friend', 'love', and the like mean absolutely nothing to them
  • these creatures are hungry 24/7, can eat up to 50x their own weight in just a day and nothing will change
  • though despite this hunger they can go about six months without proper nutrition
  • they can reproduce both sexually and asexually
  • no known life spans, the oldest one tracked was roughly 600 years old and looked no different than any other adult devalin
  • huge population, spread across the universe(s) and growing bigger still
    [color=transparent]yeet
  • thick skin, tough to break through
  • attempting to fracture a devalin bone could result in you shattering your own bones
  • their spine ends at the coccyx, so their tails are completely muscle w/ barely any attachments
  • insane healing abilities
  • blood color = eye color = hair/fur color = markings color
  • skin is generally a grey-ish color
  • tails are always black
  • scleras are always naturally dark
• shape of horns can vary
• depicted above is the shortest a normal devalin's horns can be
• any shorter = a runt
• runts are either eaten/killed/or alienated from other devalin bc they are seen as 'too weak' to keep up with the rest of them/fight for their own survival
• alpha devalin are nearly impossible to defeat and have incredible abilities and/or very fancy horns/markings
• Shade is the only known alpha-runt devalin
  
  
  • Every devalin has the ability to shapeshift
  • they are capable of becoming whatever comes to mind
  • but all devalin have a second power unique to them
  • can be; one of the 4 naturally occurring elements, invisibility, flight, teleportation, cloning... literally anything
  • so yeah this is a very OP species
  • many take the forms of the most prominent species that inhabit whichever planet they currently live on
  • for ex; if they reached earth, we wouldn't know for a very long time bc they would disguise themselves as us
  • devalin are capable of mix-breeding, but only so long as they take the form of the species they are trying to mix with (evil trickery here)
  • they are very quick learners when it comes down to other species
  • some devalin are better at acting as a species than that species is lmao
  • but all they do is inhabit planets to the point of overpopulation and lack of resources, then they branch out and move on to the next planet
yeet
• with this profound shapeshifting ability, devalin are able to alter anything within them in just about any way without harming themselves
• any devalin can take on any form and perfect that form's behavior, language, and max-intelligence in just a few seconds
• imagine meeting five exact copies of yourself and suddenly doubting you are the real you???

Name:Shinoto Takashi Yoon
Age:[Physically]17[Mentally]187
God of Bonds and Ice
The god who blessed Akiko Ayama

Hope you like him!The eyes were just an experiment that I think was a success
What do you guys think?
(I talk as if someone will even see or like this drawing XD)

Oh and the timer is wrong,I sometimes still have the drawing open but i’m Actually doing other stuff in other tabs.So it should probably be 1H and 30 Minutes or something

this looks a little strange but i haven't drawn a human on oekaki in a bit so i wanted to try again

i draw a lot of angel girls on my instagram too if u wanna check that out :0c