♥Crushes, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends | V6♥

[Kisiel]

Hello c:
I have a few questions. I'm asking these because I'm younger than most of the CS users (I'm guessing) and haven't been in any relationships.


In a relationship, how do you feel about having friends of the gender you are attracted to, and what about your partner? Is it common to develop crushes on friends, and how common is it? Do you believe that is ok in a relationship?

You don't have to answer all of these if you reply c:
Also, I might add more later.
I don't know how stupid my questions are because I have not had any romantic relationships. I'm just curious.

Personally I've always had male friends even when in a relationship - I don't see why I should put aside our friendship just because one of us is in a relationship if that makes sense. My partner had to accept the fact that I was friends with guys and vice versa, although I do admit I did get a bit jealous and protective of him sometimes, which isn't necessarily a good thing. Before we broke up, myself, my partner and my best friend who is a guy (as well as other people of course) would go to parties and nights out together, so I do think that it can work, as long as you're clear that they are just friends.

I don't think it's okay to "develop crushes" while you're in a relationship, however, especially if this is a serious, commited, long term relationship. I see my friends as friends and nothing more. There is no romantic interest (from my end anyway) in any of my male friends and I would not put up with my partner showing interest in any of his female friends either.

[critter]

heres to having two girls confess to you on the same day.

Oh boy, where do I start?
So, In gym the other day, my friend (lets call her L) said she would date me if she weren't dating her boyfriend. I was happy because she's great and I might like her? Then my crush, lets call her J, she asks me out at the end of the day so of course, I said yes.
But how am I supposed to feel?
J is similar to me in many ways, such as delinquency and our child-like behavior. But then L is a thoughtful, kind, and amazing person who I share little common things with. L compliments me a lot and so does another girl friend of mine. She's just- shes so kind. But J and I love a lot of things and have personalities that mix well with one another. These girls are going to be the death of me.
Ugh, being a lesbian(pansexual) is confusing.

[Panther202]

So, I have this crush, let's call him "John". (Not his real name)
"John" seems to like another girl though.
And I don't know what to do.
I tell myself to get over it, but I can't.
What should I do?

Be honest with him. I would suggest admitting how you feel about him without forcing yourself onto him. Maybe something like, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that __________. It's okay if you feel differently, but I thought it was only fair for you to know." That's what I've always done and it's nice to get your feelings out there and see how they're feeling about you too. I've gotten a few boyfriends and even best friends that way :)

[Seasonal]

okayyy so i know I've posted a lot on here but i really just need some good advice.
I've posted some past situations on here before, and thankfully those are all sorted except this one. ill try keep it short.

"C" - the guy i kinda like??
"E" - my good friend and "C's" ex
"S" - my good friend, "C's" bestfriend and ex friends with "E"

so theres this boy called "C" and I've been really good friends with him since year 8 and we're in year -removed- now. anyways, i used to have a crush on him but i denied it when he found out and we just stayed friends. later on at the end of year 9 he began dating this girl called "E". now "E" and i slowly became really good friends and we would text each other everyday and yeah. i never told her i used to like him because it would be awkward.

basically those two were never really happy and so "C" dumped "E".... the night before her birthday. obviously me being friends with her i tried to make her happy but she missed him so much and would cry her eyes out every night. i never brought the situation up to "C" but i did try cheer him up as well.
so me and "C" slowly became closer as friends. we would constantly talk in classes, he'd wait for me in school, we'd push each other and chase after each other in a flirty playful way yanoe, we would text each other from as soon as we got home to like 1am in the morning. we get along so well and make each other laugh so much. and what i love is how chill we are and don't seem fake or anything and he is so kind.

now whilst all of this is happening, "E" still misses "C". uh oh. i haven't told "E" about me talking to him because i feel bad to bring it up. and in fairness i did call "C" names just to make "E" feel understood when she was upset ?? so basically it would make me sound like a hypocrite and like a fake friend and as if i was just using her. which i wasnt, i would never ever use friends to gain stuff.

so over this past weekend "C" and I spoke on snapchat every single night until 1 am. crazy ik but it was funny and he's so kind. (we mainly send memes to each other like omg) and even in school we got really close. my one friend "S" who is like best best best friends with "C" noticed how he would look at me and smile or push me. i never really agreed but i understood what she was saying.

so anyways, on wednesday my school had this like christmas carols rehearsal (it was hilarious) and me, "S", "C" and another friend all sat together at the back away from everyone else. we all had a blast and were making jokes and i was crying of laughter because of "C". i was sat next to "S" and she said this to me (about "C").. "i think he likes you. like more than "E". he always looks at you. have you two been talking?" i smiled and was like "yeah we've been talking a lot to each other, i don't know if i have feelings." i also explained to her how its mean for me to kinda talk to him when I've been supporting his ex "E".
so "S" said that she understood and she won't say anything to "E" but she knows he likes me a lot.

today was the last day of school and "E" wasnt in and hasn't been for a while now. "C" was with me practically the whole day. he asked to be my team mate in a quiz, begged the pe teacher to let me join him and watch him (girls usually aren't allowed to be with boys) and he was just being really funny. at break time he stood with me and we messed around with the chairs and just acted really dumb with each other. when school finished early he waited for me at the school gate and then when we got home he started texting on snapchat again. he still is currently texting me...like right now.


basically I'm getting feelings back for him again. I've always had feelings for him but i don't know because
- he dumped my friend on her birthday eve
- I've been supporting her and i'd seem fake and like a hypocrite
- all of his guy friends say he likes me

i feel bad if i do date him because it is going that way. my friends said that i shouldn't feel so bad since its gonna happen that you date a friends ex at some point. its happened so quickly so I'm waiting it out until we become a lot closer. we said we might meet in the christmas holidays. is it bad if i do date him?? "E" is saying that she doesn't care about him but she clearly does, and i have been rude about "C" to her in the past.
we just have a really special connection and i don't want to ruin it

do i tell "E" i like "C"?? its so far into our friendship and it would be so late and such a bad time after they've broken up to then suddenly tell her. should i carry on getting close with "C" because i love him i really do.

[Seasonal]

I know this isn't related to the topic, but I need help. I recently got in a fight with one of my bestest friends and i don't know what to do. We have a best friend group and one of them calls me names so i call him names and its funny. But sometimes we will fight. I can be a little mean because my neighbors/friends(?) are mean. They curse at each other and just are complete rebels and they used to hang out with me since i see them alot, but now they just bully me. And i tend to kind of act how i act how people around me act. So i act like this and im just completely blinded by the fact that im doing that. I love my friends and care for them so much, but im just so stupid by acting like that. Also ive recently moved and so its kind of hard to make friends, so basically those are almost my only friends i have. And when me and my friend fought about how i me and my other friend were trash talking each other, her feelings were hurt and she didnt want to be friends and soon im loosing my 2 other friends in my group. I dont know how to deal with problems like this and when i heard her say those 5 words of "dont want to be friends" i jusr broke down crying in my room when i hung up the phone. My life is like a swimming pool although each year is deeper and i can feel myself sinking, slowly about to drown. But when i improve a bit, the water just keeps getting deeper and deeper.......

I never really tell my mother whats happening or how i feel anymore because im scared she will get mad at me. Please take note that my mom gets mad easily and the not very lovey person. I feel cold and alone all the time because i want to tell someone how im feeling and what i think. i just can't take being alone and miserable anymore...

[WastedSpace]

So, I have this crush, let's call him "John". (Not his real name)
"John" seems to like another girl though.
And I don't know what to do.
I tell myself to get over it, but I can't.
What should I do?

If you're not ready to get over it, then enjoy your crush in secret until you are ready to move on. You can't force yourself to do something that you don't want to.

-snip-

Bottom line-
I just feel really helpless and I'm scared of not having anyone there for me. I feel like I have nothing going for me and there's is no chance with all the other options that anyone would choose me.
Is there anything I can do to help that? It makes me feel horrible, having to see C and know that there's not a possible chance he likes me, even though we are sort of friends. I feel like I'm just kidding myself by believing I could have a chance.

The thing about someone having a crush on you is that it's not about how attractive you find yourself; it's about how attractive someone else finds you, physically+mentally+emotionally+psychologically+personality-wise+etc.

Other than that, stop beating yourself up about this! You still sound pretty young. Honestly, dating when you're young is really overrated. There's plenty of time out there to meet people and have relationships and experiment and etc. You don't have to do it right now. And if someone doesn't come along? You know what? It's really not the end of the world. There are TONS of things to do and try and life. There are tons of ways to be happy, whether you date or get married or not. There are languages to learn, jobs to try, volunteering to do, things to study and learn, places to travel to, people+animals to help, mountains to climb, skills to learn, etc., etc., etc. Don't fall into the trap of believing that the purpose of life is to get hitched. It's not. Life can be whatever you make it. If you're feeling down, then try something new. Take a dance class. Learn a new language. Try doing pottery. Take a road trip. Read that book you've always been curious about. Volunteer at that animal shelter. Get out there and do something for yourself. Remember that you're worth living for all by yourself.

heres to having two girls confess to you on the same day.

Oh boy, where do I start?
So, In gym the other day, my friend (lets call her L) said she would date me if she weren't dating her boyfriend. I was happy because she's great and I might like her? Then my crush, lets call her J, she asks me out at the end of the day so of course, I said yes.
But how am I supposed to feel?
J is similar to me in many ways, such as delinquency and our child-like behavior. But then L is a thoughtful, kind, and amazing person who I share little common things with. L compliments me a lot and so does another girl friend of mine. She's just- shes so kind. But J and I love a lot of things and have personalities that mix well with one another. These girls are going to be the death of me.
Ugh, being a lesbian(pansexual) is confusing.

You are L's second choice. Why make her your first?

-snip-

basically I'm getting feelings back for him again. I've always had feelings for him but i don't know because
- he dumped my friend on her birthday eve
- I've been supporting her and i'd seem fake and like a hypocrite
- all of his guy friends say he likes me

Psst, you're not allowed to share your age, such as sharing your grade/year in school!

Tbh, I don't really understand why you felt you had to hide from either of them that you were still friends with both of them. You were friends before they broke up. It's not like you rant to the other person after the break up to go after them. It's not fair for either of them to ask you to choose sides in this situation. It's fine to let each of them rant to you; it's fine to try and cheer both of them up; it's fine to acknowledge how one of them screwed up to the other.

I think you should stop running around and just admit that you're still talking with the other person, you want to be friends with them both, you understand and support that they don't want to hang out with each other, and then go from there. ^^

I know this isn't related to the topic, but I need help. I recently got in a fight with one of my bestest friends and i don't know what to do.

-snip-

Try the comfort corner in this section or the advice from adults in 18+ next time. And psst! You're not allowed to share your age on CS, such as what grade you are in.

Maybe you can't talk to your mom, but you should be able to talk with your friends. Maybe it's time to become just a little more mature, apologize for any hurtful things you've said, and work on your relationship with your friend(s).

Otherwise, you're starting a new school. There should be plenty of new people to make. Sometimes friends just drift apart, but there are always other opportunities out there.

[Tyersal]

@WastedSpace
I understand what you're saying completely, it's not the "getti hitched" idea I'm worried about, I am young for that.
I just, I care a lot about other people but feel like nobody's actually there to care about me or be there for me when I need someone. I just have a feeling that I'll never really have anyone, even a friend, actually there and caring.
and as much as I tell my self it's not true, I just can't shake the feeling.
I don't think this is really on topic anymore, but the on topic bit is just having to look at people and care about them and just want someon to care about me as well. Not in that way but just as a person.

[GAIRENTH]

-

[WastedSpace]

I'm not sure how to start on this, but I guess I'm just looking for a reasonable explanation.

So I'm not sure why I do this, or how to avoid it really, but for some reason every once in a while I'll go and look at pictures of my boyfriend's previous relationship with his ex-girlfriend.

I don't know why I do it. I'm not jealous of her or anything. He does look really happy in all the pictures though. But he's told me before that he wasn't really happy, and he doesn't like her as a person anymore. They apparently fought a lot and she wasn't the "so great" person she made him believe she was.
He's really happy with me and I'm happy with him,
I won't get all mushy with details, but he's seriously the best and I couldn't imagine anything better.
But I really want to know why I'm so tempted. And I should throw in that he doesn't have any pictures. Its all on her stuff and things friends in common have tagged them in and such.

If anyone maybe could help explain and maybe help in giving ways to get me to stop, itd be much appreciated. Thanks!

I think this is called "being human" and "curiosity". You really care about this person, but you weren't there for this big part of his life and you're curious about it. How to stop? Utilize self-restraint. There's no easy answer. You gotta put the work in to stop.

By the by, every single picture of me and my ex has us smiling and cuddling up. I'm sure we look like an adorable couple. People do that for cameras. Our pictures don't tell the real story of our relationship. They don't tell of the abuse and manipulation that tore me down for four years. People can be surprisingly adept at hiding their negativity and sadness. If you're so curious about knowing more, you should try asking him rather than stalking his ex. Just know that this could be hard to talk about for him and he may not want to, and that should be respected.

[momincharge]

no matter what i try to do
he won't notice me. i sound
really selfish saying this. i know,
but all I want is him. he's the
most important thing in my world
now. he's already dating someone,
it was too late. i got so worked up
in trying to find a way to confess
to him that i lost him, he loved
someone else.

dangit. I need to give up at love.
i always found love 'cringy' and
selfish (unless it was ships) but
when i met him everything
changed. i became happy again.
but cheers to sadness, because i
lost him.

so this is what it feels like being
in love, aye? heartbreak and
happiness? how is that possible?
i don't like it. i need to give it
up already. i lost him once,
i probably won't get him back.