◖ no one's got it all (tryout)

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◖ no one's got it all (tryout)

Postby f1owercrown » Mon Feb 19, 2018 5:29 pm

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◖ introduction

Postby f1owercrown » Mon Feb 19, 2018 6:16 pm

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    name; Alexine Tollenmache (Alexine - greek; defender of mankind | Tollenmache - an English noble family) // gender; female // age; 23


    Good day! I am Alexine Tollemache. You may call me Alex, as do most people do; such a casual
    name would fit the likes of me. I am the daughter of a noble and royal family, but please do not
    become intimidated with my social status nor my rather grandiose outfit! I am a humble being,
    and I do not ever wish to create a partition between me and the common people. I am in my
    early twenties, and I am very interested in the economy and how the world rotates around goods
    and services; in fact, my education is geared towards that! I am also a painter in my free time.

    If you have more time to chit-chat, please sit down and have a cup of tea with me!


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◖ personality

Postby f1owercrown » Fri Feb 23, 2018 9:32 am

    Image

    ┌────────────────────────────────┐













    Personality

    Alexine is a soft-spoken Kalon who grew up in a wealthy British family. Her quite petite
    nature separates herself from her parents, who have both rather strong personalities.
    Despite her lack in assertiveness, she is creative, and expresses herself through her
    paintings and other works of art. Often times, she prefers to be alone in her room,
    listening to soothing piano music while painting on a canvas by the glass window.

    Occasionally, Alexine gives back to the community by donating to charity, or speaking
    with the lesser fortunate kids who see her as a big sister. She shares stories of happiness
    and wonder, and she plans to continue her outreaches for years to come.

    Alexine is not one who easily or simply share her thoughts and such, especially with her
    family and the people around her, and it is unknown whether something deeper lies in
    her past. Beyond her good deeds to the community and meek personality, nothing much
    is known about her. In an attempt to get to know Alexine more, we've personally inter-
    viewed her and two other people close to her. The following are witness accounts.














    └────────────────────────────────┘
    ┌────────────┐



    Likes

    Stuffed animals, coffee shops,
    sunny days, romance movies,
    vintage photos, rose bouquets.




    └────────────┘
    ┌────────────┐



    xxxxxxxxxxDislikesxxxxxxxxxx

    Loud noises, crowded places,
    fires, darkness, most insects,
    speaking in public, heights.




    └────────────┘
    ┌────────────┐

    xxxxxxxxxxxxSongxxxxxxxxxxxx
    Hero by Regina Spektor


    └────────────┘



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Re: ◖ witness accounts, pt. 1

Postby f1owercrown » Fri Feb 23, 2018 10:30 am

    Image

    In an interview with Ethan de Trafford, the son of another wealthy family, the de Trafford family.


    Who is Alexine Tollemache to you?

      She used to be my girlfriend.

    How did you two meet?

      She was in a public library looking for a book, Pride and Prejudice, which I was also coincidentally searching for. We started from there, had a little chit-chat, and I guess I liked her personality - nay, her facade, I should say.

    Facade? Could you elaborate more about that?

      Alexine seems so nice to people - she helps the common people by donating to charity and such, or being very friendly every time she has her morning walks down by the marketplace. She says her hi's and hello's, sure, but it just stops there. It's all a big mask to cover up how much she's ruined other people's lives, mine included. She left me in a mess, and ever since she's never showed her face. It's like - she's a black hole, and everyone she sucks into her personal life, she ruins. You don't see it when you're afar, when you're just a spectator of her life, but I swear, you will never want to get closer to her.

    Has anything major happened in your relationship that made you claim all of those?

      Well, this is going to be long, so bear with me.

      Alexine, oh how I loved the idea of her. She was a soft-spoken gal when I first met her, and she was very sweet and delightful that sometimes I wondered if she was a reincarnation of sunshine itself. She was too good to be true, especially when she showed interest in me. Actually, my hunch was right - she wasn't good, full disclosure.

      She was, like, your standard Hollywood girlfriend - sweet to her boyfriend, until he goes out with other people and she gets mad at me for simply being a person who wants to socialize. Often times, she hides my important things, like my watch, my wallet, my shoes, or my clothes, just so she could say, "Well, looks like you can't go out today. Don't worry, we'll find them soon." It was to keep me in my home with her, so I could pay attention to her. She was, like, a six-year-old wanting so much attention to herself. She was self-absorbed.

      Honestly, she loved talking about herself, and she's said things about herself more times than I have. Was she even interested in me, or did she just need someone to listen to her? I didn't know if she even cared about who I was, or focused solely on the fact that there was someone who gave her importance. It was always about her. She also had a habit of hitting me whenever I didn't look like I was listening, probably because it's been the nth time since she's mentioned something about her oh-so-wonderful childhood. Jeez.

      Then, there were nights when she cried, and she would rant about her best friend and how Alexine's life had gone haywire because of this best friend of hers. Of course, I've never met her past best friend, but according to Alexine, she was a manipulative woman who did nothing but put her down. I'd comfort her, like a good boyfriend, until she'd be able to fall asleep. I'm not sure if she's been telling the truth about her best friend all this time, but I believed her before. Now I'm not so sure.

      Sigh.

      The reason we broke up was and still is a very heavy moment for me. My mother, she was hospitalized some time during our relationship, see. She had a heart attack, and fainted in the middle of the living room. Good thing we got her to the nearest hospital immediately; we were all in a panic mode, of course. I'm not going to disclose any more information about her condition, but just for the record, my mother is alright now.

      Anyway, that time was a rough time for me. I'd have to skip classes just to look after my mother, because my father was the only one working for the family at that moment and my siblings were too young to be there on their own. I had called Alexine several times and told her about my situation and how I couldn't be with her at the moment, and she always sounded frustrated. Angry, frustrated, then sad. After numerous calls to her during the course of my mother's hospitalization, one day she just stopped picking them up. Dead air,
      continuous rings, no one answering.

      I cried after a month of no contact with her. Of course, I thought of going to her house to see where she was at and why she hasn't been picking up the calls anymore. Her servant had opened the door for me at that time, and he said,

      "Alexine does not want to see you anymore. Please, do not bother the mistress any longer."

      Oh man, you wouldn't believe how heavy I felt that day. My mom's in the hospital, and my girlfriend has apparently abandoned me.
      I had lost all hope that day, but I couldn't blame my mother for her condition. I, however, could blame my girlfriend for acting that way. Self-absorbed, manipulative, immature, and, ultimately, the worst.

      We could've talked about it, but she decided to get up and leave when it was most convenient for her. Typical Alexine, she never thought about me in the first place anyway.

    To you, then, is Alexine a hero or a villain?

      A villain. She pretends to be a hero with her good deeds to the common people, and this is why no one believes me when I say she's evil, deep down. Her "goodness" is all a cover-up story, and I hate her.

    Thank you for your time.

    - END RECORD -

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Re: ◖ witness accounts, pt. 2

Postby f1owercrown » Sun Feb 25, 2018 10:50 am

    Image

    In an interview with Clarissa Laurent, a student currently taking a master's degree in social work.

    Who is Alexine Tollenmache to you?

      It's been quite some time since I heard that name.
      She is a nobody to me now. A best friend before.

    How did you two meet?

      We were friends since kindergarten all the way until college.

    Could you explain how your relationship with Alexine worked?

      Worked? Nothing worked out in our relationship. She's a toxic woman to put up with, and I simply did what any sensible person would do in that kind of situation - burn bridges.

    Why so?

      I guess you're here for me to give a backstory, huh? Well, I can't deny you of that curiosity. I did say yes to this, after all.

      Alexine was a sweet girl growing up. I saw her bloom; I was with her her whole childhood, of course. I had never imagined our personalities to click, but we just did and it was a great feeling back then. She had so many opinions, so many creative thoughts, that it seemed impossible for anyone to love her before. I listened to all her rambles, warts and all, and we were both happy with each other. She had a problematic family, by the way, so I made sure she at least felt important. It's what a best friend does, after all. I used to think she deserved all the love in the world.

      You know, I'm just going to jump right into this and say that she soon developed feelings for me.

      I wouldn't deny that I might have liked her at some point during our friendship, but when she had admitted to me during the first year of college, I wasn't prepared to be in a relationship. I was trying to get my life together as we were fresh out of high school, I was living alone for once, and I was looking for a part-time job to pay my bills. My focus was to become independent; relationships were out of my mind that moment. I kindly - how should I say this - rejected her and explained to her why, but emphasized that we could always still be best friends. I'm not the type who gets awkward after a confession, just so you know.

      She took the rejection way too seriously, after I had told her everything was alright, and things just started going downhill after that. With us pursuing different degrees in the university, we had less time for each other, and every time I was free, she'd say she wasn't. Our schedules didn't align that well, but I did try to update her from time to time about the things going on in my life. Her replies were always dry, like she had no intention with me anymore. We were drifting apart.

      Was it because of the rejection? I always asked her, but she'd always deny. What was it, then? She would divert the conversation. I never knew then and I thought, maybe it wasn't worth knowing anymore given our situation.

      In my third year of college, I met this guy in one of my classes. Not your average good-looking guy, but he was alright. I fell in love with him, and he fell in love with me, and we were soon in a relationship. I decided it was alright for me to be in a relationship by that time, since I had gotten used to living independently and I could juggle my part-time job with my academics.

      It was a mistake telling Alexine about it.

      In the two years since she confessed, I had always thought she'd be over it. She refused to talk about the confession, and told me she was fine even though she was obviously not. Was it my fault for not pressing further? She was busy and so was I, and I hadn't had the time before to go on a wild goose chase for Alexine and her explanations. I always tried making plans; they never pushed through. I tried meeting her halfway, alright? I tried. She can't blame me for not doing anything. In any case, she should be the one ashamed for leaving me. What was I, just some toy for her to be with so she felt important? And when it wasn't convenient for her anymore, she would just ghost me? I-

      ...

      I apologize for the outburst.

      Where was I? Ah, right, the mistake. I wish I had never told Alexine about it, because apparently she wasn't over my rejection. In a fit of rage towards my current relationship, she kept on asking what was wrong with her, why she hadn't been the one I was looking for despite all those years of being with her. I'd stay calm and explain to her that there was nothing wrong with her, and all of this was my decision and that she should've respected it regardless. I told her, she was still my best friend and I supported her no matter what, but she told me if I really did support her, I would've loved her back.

      It's... it's hard to explain. I feel like I'm going in circles just ranting about this.

      Anyway, a year later, I applied to another university to pursue a master's degree. I worked so hard on my curriculum vitae, and I was really proud of what I had done. I sent it to the university, attended the formal interview and managed to get through it, and then waited. Waited, waited, waited.

      That's all I ever did the next six months. Waited, with no reply from the university.

      I was crushed. It had been a dream, and I thought I wasn't good enough. I told my boyfriend about this, as I needed reassurance, and my boyfriend told me, "You know, I was just walking to your place a few months ago, and I happened to stumble across Alexine in your neighborhood the same day the acceptance letters were supposed to be released. I hadn't thought of it that much so I never told you; I was just thinking she had somewhere else to go, but it's quite a coincidence, isn't it?"

      I never saw, talked to, or heard about Alexine ever since.

      Whether or not Alexine had anything to do with my acceptance letter, I never knew. I didn't want to blame her solely on my boyfriend's witness account; in fact, I had always thought I wasn't good enough for that university. But in the event that Alexine did have something to do with it, whether she disposed of the letter or burned it, then here's a little something for you:

      I hope you go to hell.

      You've been nothing but toxic, stressful, and immature, and I've wasted too much of my time thinking you were the girl I always knew growing up with. Admit it, the only reason you wanted to be with me is to feel important. When you weren't the most important person in my life anymore, it crushed you. You're self-centered, and knowing you're a terrible person doesn't make you any less of a terrible person if you're not doing anything. I don't think you are, anyway. You just love to wallow in self-pity so some other poor sap will fall for you until you've sucked the life out of them.

      By the way, that Ethan guy you used to date? Just a rebound, I said to myself. I was right, wasn't I?

    To you then, is Alexine a hero or a villain?

      You know, it's funny. When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags. I hadn't realized how many red flags Alexine had until I stopped seeing her the way I used to.

      She used to be a hero I looked up to, but she's shown her true colors. A villain, definitely.

    Thank you for your time.

    - END RECORD -


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◖ interview proper, pt. 1

Postby f1owercrown » Sun Feb 25, 2018 1:21 pm

    Image

    In an interview with Alexine Tollenmache, the subject of this report.


    Could you state your name and occupation, for the record?

      I am Alexine Tollenmache, the daughter of the Tollenmache family. I am currently pursuing a master's degree in economics.

    How would you describe yourself?

      I am a little shy, quite soft, and I very much love painting. I love giving back to the community who gives my every day life color. I have a knack for adventure in places people have never been to.

    Could you describe to us what your childhood was like?

      Why, my childhood was splendid! I was always given what I wanted, and I wouldn't want to say spoiled, but I was pampered with love and affection. I always wish the children around town could experience as much as I have growing up, and those are one of the reasons why I decided to reach out to them regularly. I want to be a big sister to them so they have someone to confide in the event that have problem. I'd be happy to help the anytime, especially those who are less fortunate.

    We interviewed Ethan, and he said you had a wonderful childhood. However, he seemed sarcastic. Any reason why he sounds so?

      What? I was not aware you interviewed Ethan. How... how did you get to him?

    We simply contacted him. To reiterate, is there any reason to doubt Ethan on his statements regarding your childhood?

      Why did you have to contact Ethan? I never wanted to be associated with that name again.

    Would you like to say something about Ethan, for the record?

      I assume he's told you more than enough for me to recite. It is just that -- we had a very complicated relationship, you see.
      Did he tell you about how we broke up? Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he did.

    We are aware.

      [Alexine sighs, looking away from the camera for a brief moment.]

      I was deprived of attention. Ethan didn't deserve what emotional stress I had put him through; it was just that I was not at my best when the situation presented itself. All I wanted was to be loved, and when he has directed his attention towards his mother rather than me, well, I had no idea what to do next. On one hand, I loved him, but I knew I was going to have outbursts if I stayed in the relationship because of my tendency to cling to people. On the other hand, I thought, if I just left the relationship abruptly, he wouldn't need to worry about me any longer, and he could give his mother all the love he could muster up without having to divide his attention. I didn't want to be a drag to him, so I decided to just up and leave.

    And you thought this was the best for your relationship?

      It's hard to explain, alright? I hid his things before he left so he could stay at home and give me love and affection. It made me feel alright, like a sort-of reassurance that I was deserving of love. I held him back, and I thought it was fine so long as we had each other. Was I supportive of his decisions when we were in a relationship? I don't know. I can't even tell anymore if whoever I'm with is happy with me, or I'm actually choking them because I'm doing this just for myself.

      I left the relationship to save him from myself.

      I didn't want him to a victim of my undoings, just as I have done to my best friend. It was the least I could do, as a favor for dragging him into my mess of a life in the first place.

    Your best friend - this is Clarissa Laurent you are talking about, correct?

      I was initially going to ask how you knew her, but I see you've talked to her too. I-- please give me a minute.

      [Alexine walks off-camera for a moment before coming back.]

      I used to tell Ethan that Clarissa was a terrible person. I told him, she was manipulative, and that she was the worst thing that happened to me. Was Clarissa terrible? Or was I the terrible one in our relationship? You interviewed her, correct? What do you think, then?

    Please bear in mind that you are the one being interviewed.

      Right, right, I do apologize. Professionalism.

      Clarissa... you probably know that I fell in love with her, way before I even met Ethan. I've told her all my darkest secrets, my self-confidence issues, my family problems. She was there beside me through it all, and she cared for me more than I had ever deserved. She was very sweet and kind, and loved me for all my childhood. It was the kind of love I never got anywhere else, and I guess that's the reason why she was unlike any other, to me.

      When I confessed, I expected so much out of it, like she was going to say just the same and we'd be happy together for the rest of our lives. Clarissa rejected me, and all those expectations fell from the sky, dropping like bombs in my heart that told me it was going to be all over. Clarissa continued to update me regarding her life, and I do appreciate that-- I was just too self-absorbed into the little rejection situation that I refused to reply until I was over it.

      It never became over since. I started doubting myself, whether I wasn't good enough, or there must have been something about me that led me to become unappealing. Was it my physical appearance? Was it my lack of a talent, perhaps a charming personality I didn't have? Was I lackluster, boring, or undeserving of love? All these thoughts of self-deprecation plagued my mind and my heart, and I found myself crying longer and longer each night. I refused to talk to anyone else for fear of creating another outburst. I wanted to be alone.

      Once Clarissa told me a few years later she had gotten into a relationship, I lost my mind. I got mad at her, and I resented ever meeting her in the first place. I know it was my fault for putting her on a pedestal and thinking I get to keep her for my remaining days, and I have no excuse for such. I was so terrible and so toxic, I always thought she manipulated me into having that mindset about her, but now I realize, it might have been my own undoing. With all the emotional baggage I was already carrying, I didn't want to further it by blaming myself. It's always the easiest way out, blaming another person, am I right?

    Clarissa mentioned the issue with an acceptance letter. Did you have anything to do with it?

      Oh dear, it's been years since that day. I never thought this issue would come to the light of day, but no point of hiding it now that we're here, huh?

      I'm not going to beat around the bush: Yes, I did burn the letter.

      I was in her neighborhood that day, and I remembered that today was coincidentally the day she was supposedly getting an acceptance letter. I saw the mailman just as he was about to turn the corner to Clarissa's street, and asked him whether he had a letter for her. He said, yes he did, and in that moment I thought of lying and said she told me to get it for her in the meantime since she wasn't around. The mailman knew me, and thought good of me, so he gave me her letter without any further questions. I didn't read the letter, mind you, but I burned it. Whether or not she was accepted, I don't know, will never know, and neither will she.

      I didn't know what I was thinking that day. I guess a part of me still wanted her to be around, and I was obsessed with her to that point. Nothing could ever replace the love she's given me, and I've ruined it all. Maybe it was a sort-of payback, burning the letter so she would think she was rejected by the university, too, just as she rejected me.

    And you never confronted to her about this?

      What's the point in confronting to Clarissa about this? Nothing is going to change whether she knows it or not. She's going to live her life not knowing whether her dream of getting a master's degree in the university she initially wanted was about to unfold, while I'm going to live my life knowing she'll never forgive me for it. It'll be a bad move, telling her about it. All the scars I've caused both her and myself are going to resurface, and my heart's going to ache for her even though I've ruined everything.

      I don't need to be saved; I'm the one you should be saving yourselves from.

    - END RECORD, PART I -
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◖ interview proper, pt. 2

Postby f1owercrown » Sun Feb 25, 2018 4:14 pm

    Image

    In an interview with Alexine Tollenmache, the subject of this report. (cont.)


    Back to the previous topic: both Ethan and Clarissa hinted something about your childhood. Could you elaborate further?

      I... do you really have to know?

    If you prefer not to mention it for the record, just let us know.

      Hum, honestly, I don't see the point in hiding the truth any longer. We've come so far deep into this, is there anything you do not know? I'll speak the truth clearly, but just this once, so listen carefully.

      I grew up in a noble, wealthy family, as I've mentioned many times. But that's all my family was to me: rich. Our family's name was a powerful one, and we were constantly bombarded with economic and financial problems. Sometimes, social problems arise too because of our position. It's not the topic of our conversation, so I won't delve further into those.

      Mama and Papa, to be frank, they neglected me. They said it was mistake that I was born; they wanted a son so he'd rise up to power. They never believed woman could rise up the ranks as easily as a man, and Mama was an exception because she married Papa, a man in power, while being assertive and aggressive herself. I as a child was meek, soft-hearted, and mellow. I hated all the things they were doing just to stay in their positions. They were too busy to raise me, but they found time to scold me for the little wrongdoings I did, or for simply existing.

      I loved arts and crafts; it was what I excelled at when I was in grade school. Clarissa can attest to that, if you will meet her again some day. I was a natural at drawing and painting, and as boring as it probably sounds, I loved painting sceneries and nostalgic photos. They remind me of a time that stood still, and a memory I wish I immersed myself into rather than my real life. These were an escape for me, and an excuse to lock myself in my room without my family belittling me.

      Of course, I couldn't stay locked in my room forever. When I had to go out, I'd hear my parents either arguing with each other, or coming to me and both arguing with me. They'd both tell me to stop painting, and how it was a useless talent given that we were an economically-driven family, not an art-driven one. Once, Papa stormed into the room and took the canvas I was working on, and threw it out my window to teach me a lesson. They made me take a degree in economics when I clearly stated I wanted to go into arts, and I said I hated their decision, but I had no choice. They filed my papers for enrollment and here I am, taking a master's degree in a course I was never passionate about in the first place.

      My servant, I used to confide in him when my parents were away. I'd cry to him and tell him of my problems when I was a child growing up. I suppose my parents found out and told him to not associate with me, my feelings, and my opinions anymore, lest he wanted to get fired. He was paid very well, or so I heard, so I knew soon enough why he stopped coming to my room to talk to me.

      I had no escape from the path already built for me. My family tells me, I'll love what I'm doing one day, I just need to get used to it. I am aware they're just forcing it down my throat so this generation won't be a disappointment to the Tollenmache lineage. They tell me, if anybody asks, tell them you were the one interested in this. Maybe if I tricked myself into thinking I wanted this in the first place, then eventually, I'll learn to love it, too. Do you see now, the obvious facade I have to put up for simply being born in the wrong family?

      It's alright, I'd whisper to myself frequently at night. No one's got it all, anyway.

      Could you blame me, then, if I was very much deprived of love? Could you blame me for wanting people to stay despite my flaws and such? Could you blame me if there were sudden episodes where I hated myself so much, I push people away, neglect them, then detached myself from the outside world?

      I could throw up with all the disgusting lies I've fed myself and other people.

    [The interrogator remains silent, and a minute has passed before Alexine speaks again.]

      The donations I give to charity, the company and stories I give to little children, they're not a facade as other people would want you to believe. It was a way of making myself feel better, that despite the sadness boiling inside of me, there was a gleam of happiness I could still share to children who have yet to grow up. I don't want anyone else to go through the same pain I did, as a child. I want to be a hero in their stories, an important figure, or at least some sort of shoulder to lean on.

      That being said, I am not a beacon of perfection, either. I make mistakes, some more grave than others. I've made terrible decisions, and I still continue making them, but I hope to improve one day. I'm a long way from learning how to keep people in my life, especially those I know personally. I extend my apologies to those I've hurt in the past, especially Ethan and Clarissa, who have shown nothing but love for me even though I took them for granted. I was trying to heal from personal scars, and I was still learning how to stand on my own without stumbling again. I understand that it's not an excuse, and I'll live my life knowing that some people will never forgive my actions.

      My two decades of living have been full of regret. I can't say when my regrets will be over, but hopefully soon.

    As a closing note: do you believe you are a hero, then, or a villain?

      I -

      [Alexine gasps, suddenly breaking into tears.]

    - END RECORD, PART II -

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