Peer Editing/ Writing Evaluation/ Plot Help Thread

[Pastel_Panda]

So, I had the idea to start a peer editing/ story development help thread. I have a terrible habit of starting a story and never finishing it due to lack of ideas. Well, I have an idea I'm just not sure how to build up to that idea. I was hoping some of you would read this and tell me what you think. Post your stories or poems and I will do the same!

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I raced down the steep mountain path. My instincts were the only things guiding my large paws as they dug into the soft clay-like mud. My powerful lungs drew air in and expelled it in harsh breaths. My thick ebony fur blew in the wind as my feet relentlessly pounded the earth. My whole world shattered when I finally reached the base of the mountain and saw the lifeless canine body. It was so small, not much larger than a pup. It's emotionless amber eyes stared in my direction. Those eyes I loved so much. Those eyes that had always looked up to me in times of danger or uncertainty. The eyes of my baby sister.

I jolted awake. A thin sheen of sweat covered my body and my blankets were tangled around my ankles like shackles. I glanced at the clock. It was almost 5 A.M.. I knew sleep was out of the question. Why was I having these nightmares again? It'd been almost 2 years since the accident. I missed Roxy more than anything and I blamed myself for her death. I shook these thoughts out of my head and slipped out of bed. After taking a quick shower, I brushed my long, ebony curls, pulled them into a long braid down my back and got dressed. I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans, a gray tank top, my old worn combat boots and a red hooded sweatshirt before leaving the house.

I loved walking, whether it be on two feet or four paws. I strayed from my usual path to an unfamiliar trail into the forest that surrounded my home. 'It's probably just the trail of a frightened deer.' I tried to convince myself but, all of my senses suggested otherwise. Ignoring my instincts I continued up the trail, having no idea that what I would find would change my life for better, and worse.

Driven by instinct I changed from my weak, vulnerable human body into my powerful wolf form. The breeze blew through my dark, thick fur as I stalked down the unfamiliar trail. My hot breath formed clouds in front of my face in the chilly summer morning air. As I reached a clearing, which seemed to be the end of the trail, I became aware of two things; a strange scent and the uncomfortable feeling of eyes on me. I fought the urge to tuck my tail and whimper and instead, I stood taller and growled low in my chest. I heard a whimper, not of submission, but of pain from a nearby cluster of bushes surrounding the clearing. A pure white wolf larger than I limped out of the bushes. Scarlet stained it’s right foreleg. It cowered and whimpered before me, showing that it was of no threat. Suddenly, it lost consciousness, falling limp on the ground before my paws. As I watched, the snowy beast changed into the form of a pale, fair haired young man. He appeared to be about my age, only 17 or 18. His right arm was horribly mutilated. Unsure that I'd be able to carry in my human form, I lowered myself to the ground and very gently nudged and pulled the unconscious boy onto my back.

When I finally approached my house the boy was slightly conscious. I carefully laid him down on the porch as I shifted back into my human form. I unlocked the door and carefully helped him up and through the house, upstairs to my bedroom. I layed him on the floor at the foot of my bed and searched my bathroom for medical supplies. My parents would expect me to still be asleep when they left for work so, they wouldn't look in my room. I found alcohol and some gauze so, I cleaned and dressed his wounds as he slowly gained consciousness.

When his pale blue eyes fluttered open he saw me. His body tensed and I felt him begin to change. He pulled away from me quickly, evaluating his surroundings frantically. "No, it's OK. I'm trying to help you. I'm not a threat. You're in my house. I cleaned your arm and bandaged it for you." I explained. I saw him relax a bit but he was still on edge. "I'm Alice. I'm like you. We're not... normal..." I continued. "I'm sorry if I scared you. I only meant to help. You can go, if you'd prefer. I've just never met anyone else like us. My sister was but,..." "But what?" he asked. He slightly startled me. His voice was unlike anything I'd ever heard before, smooth with a slight growl hanging off the words. "I- I'd rather not talk about Roxy, if you don't mind." I replied avoiding the subject. "Oh, I see. I'm Xavier. Xavier Raines."

“ Have you ever met anyone else like us?” I asked. “My entire family was like us. And others. We had an entire pack.” he responded. I could barely hide my excitement but, then I realized what he said, had. “What happened to the others?” I inquired. “ I...I can’t remember…” he said, pain flashing across his pale features.

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Please leave your thoughts! Thank you for your time!

[Pastel_Panda]

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[Ranger of the North]

I like it! I'd be interested in reading along if you ever continue c:

[Ruelle]

That's extremely good! English is the field of work I aspire to be in, however I can't share my stories because they are very gory, mature content etc etc. ;-;

I would love to see a part 2! Are you thinking about a name for your story?