♛ - an eternal conundrum - ♛

[King Andre]

"tell me then, how to feel,
if feeling is reasonable."

[King Andre]

♪ "and if somehow you knew, that your love would be untrue,
would you lie to me?" ♪

[King Andre]

"do you believe in a parallel universe?"

the choices and decisions we make on a whim can effect our entire lives.
some choices we make out of pride, guilt, greed, jealousy, hatred and pettiness.
others we make out of love and selflessness. sometimes the smallest choices change
the entire direction of your life. taking the time to swallow your pride and apologize,
or forgiving another for their mistake, can mean the difference between a lifetime of
joy or regret. the hardest part is that we never know which of these choices will change
the path of our lives. so most of us, in the end, are simply stumbling in the dark, wasting
our youth. how can we know what to do to make our future selves proud, if we aren't them
yet? why are we then forced to live life with regrets? the most one can do, is what they feel
is right, and hope for the best.

"how i envy them."

[King Andre]

ella pensar yo no la necesidad su

;;; pero es un mentir, y ella sabe lo

[King Andre]

"Dad look what I made!" The high pitch and jubilant voice of the ten year old called through the house. A house oddly monochromatic and dreary in color. In his arms flailed a drawing of poorly put together scribbles. Then he saw his father, tall and lean, who took the boy into his arms and praised him. Memories flashed forward. The next thing he saw was his father screaming, and tears running down the face of his mother. Then a door slamming and finally a silence that would echo on. He didn't see her again. More memories whirled ahead. He saw his role model sitting in-front of a television, bottles splayed around the chair, in a place less than lucid. The young boy's mouth parted to speak but the inebriated shout of his father to go away cut him off.

Where did daddy go? The thought haunted him, the image of his father slumped in the chair, and the sound of his scream etched into his mind. He sees him now, grey and weak, on a hospital bed, and the high pitch of the child was now the deep timbre of a man. "Dad i-".. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him but, there was a part of him that never quite forgave his father for those years. Looking into the steel blue slits of his fathers eye, and for a second seeing the powerful and kind man he knew in his youth, he clasped his hand. "I love you dad." And his only reply was a pained groan...and a smile that brought from him a single tear.

[King Andre]

"don't you ever miss being alone?" she asked him.

"sometimes i think so, but when i'm actually alone i miss you more so,,"

[King Andre]

there's always an empty type of pain

the type of pain the makes you feel as though there's a hole inside of your chest

or makes you feel empty and non-existent. its a pain that arises when you want something

so badly but you know you'll never have it. a house, a car, a person, a life-style,

happiness, the feeling of knowing you need someone and they need you just as much,

or the feeling of being truly content. Maybe your dreams even, being located so high in the sky

how can you ever reach them if you were born underground? If the ground is all you know...

This is the feeling of the unrequited love, or the feeling of when a love is lost, the feeling of a home you knew

so far gone, and how you'll never be able to return, the realization that all the encouragement of youth wasn't enough

to give you wings. They say shoot for the moon, and if you miss you'll end up with the stars, but they never felt the feeling

of being lost in the cold emptiness of space after missing your destination and desire. They say it is better to have loved and lost

than to have never have loved at all, but have they felt the physical pain of losing said love? A pain you'd never have felt, if you

never loved in the first place. How many times then i wonder, does it take having your soul frozen and shattered over and over

again, until you're numb to the pain? Can I feel so much, until i simply can't feel anymore? Is that not a fate worse than death?

They say cry until you can't, but I'm afraid of drowning myself in the tears, or suffocating on the words i held within my throat.

[King Andre]

"but love becomes clear when in pieces
what you couldn't see and hear during peace is
why a heart becomes ears in two pieces"

[King Andre]

and he said

"we can only march, forward right? even if we're sad... or discontent.

we'll never be happy if we don't try right?"

and he hoped one day he'd never get tired of trying.

and she said

"i'd like to see you happy."

[King Andre]

and so he sat alone, in a room that was crammed

with shared dreams and broken promises

lost to the stream of time but trapped forever in his mind

spectral figures of who he was, who they were, danced behind him

taunting with jubilant laughter and genuine smiles

"every single trial, i promise."


he too, was a ghost, in some ways

how could you live, if you spent most of your life

in bygone days?

---

out of site out of mind,
i'll skip this city of mine,
hoping my broken heart stays behind-