{ ＩＮＫＬＩＮＧＳ v.4 } A Thread For Writers

[Nitro Indigo]

you seem like the type of writer to slowly unveil the world through clues and such rather than just dumping exposition to get worldbuilding out of the way, which is definitely a skill all fantasy writers need.

I sometimes complain about not knowing how to describe fantastical things, so I decided to weave them into the description instead. Also, I don't like how the narration in my paragraph became more personal as it went along.

[Ranger of the North]

~snip~



@ranger
those are some really nice poems!
[some kind of title] reminds me a lot of easter, which is approaching really soon,
because when i read it i think of the resurrection of jesus
and it makes me so happy ^^
floodwaters is also lovely and i like how you always write about your home country
because it makes it so much more personal.
great job!

Thank you so much!!
Wow, thank you! I'm super glad it reminded of him and Easter, that's so cool! It actually started out as a sort of nature poem, but then I added the last two verses and instead it turned into like, God talking to someone, which I thought was pretty cool too
Awww, thank you so much! It's really great to hear that <3

Here's what I've got for my two characters meeting so far:

The rain lashed Estelle’s yellow fur as the skyder scrambled up the tree, looking for shelter. Panting, she climbed onto a branch, staying as close to the trunk as possible. Thunder rumbled above, and she cowered in fear, covering herself with her wing-membranes.
But then… out of the corner of her eye, Estelle spotted something that stood out against the dark blue of the night. It was a creature, about ten times the size of a skyder, that had collapsed on the forest floor. Its scales were various shades of orange, and it had wings that were loosely connected to its forelimbs.
One of its wings was torn.
Estelle had no idea what it was, or what it was doing in the forest. She should have felt scared… but she felt curious instead. Apprehensively, she spread out her wings; as she was about to glide down, lightning struck a nearby tree. Startled, she fell off the branch.
The next thing Estelle saw was an orange face with golden eyes looking at her. At first she thought she was about to be eaten, but then she realised there was a look of… concern in those eyes.
“Are you alright?”
She didn’t know things-that-weren’t-skyders could TALK!
“You fell from a really high place. I would’ve rescued you, but…” the creature lifted up a wing, revealing that it was torn.
It was only then that Estelle registered what this creature was: a bonflier. Bonfliers, she had been told, were the biggest, fiercest predators in the world. During the day, they patrolled the skies, swooping down to grab their prey in their huge claws and countless, sharp teeth. Supposedly, the only reason bonfliers didn’t eat skyders was because skyders were so good at hiding during the day, when bonfliers were awake.
So why was this one concerned about her? In the middle of the night?

You call him an it, third-person-limited Estelle!

Ooh, I like it! >^.^< I'm not quite sure what a skyder is though? We get a pretty good description of the bonflier, but not of our main-character. You may have that planned, I don't know, but thought I'd just point it out in case c:
But I'm interested! It's a pretty good beginning, and I look forward to more from you! ;D

How do you keep your character and location descriptions consistent?
I usually have a pretty good description in mind before I describe them, so it doesn't often change. But if, like, a character's appearance changes in my mind then I'll just edit it, because my previous descriptiong isn't who they are anymore :p did that make any sense? I feel like I'm repeating myself. Lol

~snip~

@Ranger

Hey, those are pretty good! As with everyone else, I think Floodwaters is my favorite; I like the rhyme scheme, how it's all one stanza, and just how you describe a monsoon. It seems like this poem is about a lot more than just a little rain, but maybe I'm reading too much into things. Either way, I liked it, and Some Kind of Title was also good. What's it about, exactly? It reminds me of Lord of the Rings for some reason, and the vague message was pretty cool.
~snip~

Thank you so much! Yeah, Floodwaters was inspired by all the rain and flooding and stuff going on over here at the moment. Cyclone Debbie went from Australia to us, and then a few days later Cyclone Cook hit us from... Vanuatu, I think. We had an entire town flood in half-an-hour :-/
Thank you! It was originally going to be about how vicious nature can be (like Floodwaters) but then I added the last two verses, and it morphed into more of a... a thing. XD A powerful entity talking to a human. c:

[Greggory Lee;]

Shyly throws stuff into thread


The stars whisper for attention


I watch the sky fall,
Turning into ripples of light and death,
It’s a war zone, and we just don’t want to see it,
That’s why we made so many lights,
The lights to block the small, prismatic lights in the sky,
However, If you go far away from civilization,
Just maybe you will see a glimpse of light,
The old, wise, fading northern star,
The bringer of wishes and guidance,
But the more greedy we get,
The less stars we see,
The children can no longer make wishes on stars,
We preserve wilderness, but why not space?
Millions of galaxies and planets we haven’t seen,
If the world could take a minute, to look up and see the wonders of the sky,
The possibilities



Crystal heart


Everyone, has a crystal heart
Strong and durable, yet willing to break,

This generation, is a generation of crystal people,
If they are tainted, you can’t see through them, but if they are light
You are able to see through them

Our lives, are crystal stairs,
We focus on our past, looking down on those rickety steps you took
But why do we focus on the past, look down and realize where you stand
You stand above your sin, you stand above your past

We all have crystal souls,
Whenever we get a scratch, we replace ourselves, changing who we were
But scratches is what builds our personality

We all have crystal fears,
Most fear death, some fear pressure, however in this pressure and heat we change into someone else,

We all have a crystal purpose
Asking ourselves what is the purpose and significance in life
Isn’t our purpose, to have a purpose?

We all come from crystal places
We are able to look so beautiful, when we came from a place of horrid despair
Some who say they are not beautiful, never escaped from that place

We don't, have crystal eyes, crystal mouths, crystal ears,
Because they are all sewn shut by our crystal society
Because they don't want us to know
That we have crystal hearts




Drowning

He sits in the sea of melancholy
This strong emotion covering the hints and traces of others
His mind of this deep and dark abysmal despair
Will no longer be lit by the evening fog called joy
His soul is a dungeon,filled with crumbling walls and chambers,
Yet those walls are the only thing that keeps his soul intact
Sometimes he will hurt, and be happy
His writhing pain causing him joy because he knows
If he can feel any other emotion than melancholy,
Then he is worth something.

[Ranger of the North]

wOw, those are really cool, Crow!! I really liked the imagery you used, and the messages behind each poem! You did a really good job!

[scoopyfrog]

College has encouraged my writing so much. When I was a kid up until highschool I would write constantly. It's all I've ever wanted to do--I finished three full-length novels before I was 16. Then my depression got worse and I got busier, and I lost motivation; but in college I enrolled in a Creative Writing class, and the professor and the class absolutely love the new novel I'm working on. I had a poem exhibited in an art show. I had a short story published in my college's annual creative magazine. I can feel my motivation slowly coming back, I'm writing more and more and I can't express what it means to essentially have my identity back.

[The Worst Username]

@Crow

]I really liked those poems, especially the first one! The imagery was a bit sparse, which is nice--I love concise poetry--and it's pretty cool that you had a sort of message behind each one. My only criticism would be that the lines get a bit clunky in places, but otherwise, those were good.

@Antiqeel

You've written three novels already, and you're only a college student? That's fantastic! Congratulations on getting your motivation back, and welcome.

Code: Select all

[b]Post a sentence/excerpt from one of your pieces that you're proud of and explain why you like it. (It doesn't have to be flowery description; it could be any line that you think is important/powerful.)[/b]

[Ranger of the North]

Post a sentence/excerpt from one of your pieces that you're proud of and explain why you like it. (It doesn't have to be flowery description; it could be any line that you think is important/powerful.)
It probably makes no sense out of context, but:

xxxxxCountless tracts of land stretch between his fingers, blank and desolate. Small letters highlight strange places and deeds, inspiring images of lost treasures revealed and dark forms concealed. A chill crawls down my spine.

I really like it because of the feeling I had when I wrote it, hehe. Kinda adventurous and explore-y. It's hard to explain XD

[NopesaurusRexx]

Would anyone give me some constructive feedback on this poem I wrote? It was supposed to be workshopped in one of my classes, but that didn't happen and this is one of my favorites I have ever written. Any comments would be appreciated!

I went for a ride one day
on a Lipizzaner stallion
and watched as blisters covered my thighs,
my waist,
my chest,
my body.
When I reached out my arm to touch you,
you erupted into blue and green,
falling to the ground,
livid with screams.
Your family came to get you,
but I shook their hands
and they gave blisters to their friends too.

I came upon Secretariat
as he saddled up for battle.
He bowed to me as I swore my loyalty
and mounted his back.
We ran across the turf
tremendous,
mechanical,
cutting down our enemies as we passed.

I rode a friesian mare
that dropped to her knees
as her ribs stabbed my calves.
She panted for water and when I gave her none
she stole the harvest from the town.
Colic hit her and so she took the harvest
for the next seven years.

A cremello approached at a lope
so I reached out a hand
and the flesh fell away
leaving me bare in the moonlight.
His barrel heaved as he fell
burying his body in the dirt.
As he rose once more,
his eyes burned red.
And he charged.

[Storm~]

Would anyone give me some constructive feedback on this poem I wrote? It was supposed to be workshopped in one of my classes, but that didn't happen and this is one of my favorites I have ever written. Any comments would be appreciated!

I went for a ride one day
on a Lipizzaner stallion
and watched as blisters covered my thighs,
my waist,
my chest,
my body.
When I reached out my arm to touch you,
you erupted into blue and green,
falling to the ground,
livid with screams.
Your family came to get you,
but I shook their hands
and they gave blisters to their friends too.

I came upon Secretariat
as he saddled up for battle.
He bowed to me as I swore my loyalty
and mounted his back.
We ran across the turf
tremendous,
mechanical,
cutting down our enemies as we passed.

I rode a friesian mare
that dropped to her knees
as her ribs stabbed my calves.
She panted for water and when I gave her none
she stole the harvest from the town.
Colic hit her and so she took the harvest
for the next seven years.

A cremello approached at a lope
so I reached out a hand
and the flesh fell away
leaving me bare in the moonlight.
His barrel heaved as he fell
burying his body in the dirt.
As he rose once more,
his eyes burned red.
And he charged.

I think it sounds awesome to be honest! I'm not big on poetry, but I love how unique the structure of it is. <3

[Storm~]

I could really use some help. I need some people to give me criticism on my story that I'm starting to write on Wattpad. If you could, please just check it out and gave me some feedback.
The story is called Evermore, and should be the most recently updated story
Thank you so much! ;v;
Please rate/leave comments on Wattpad if you can, or if you like it enough, follow me! You have no idea how excited I get when I see them!
If you're unable to read, you may need to sign in with a Wattpad account. If you make one, please vote for my story, and feel free to leave those comments (Repeating myself, aren't I?)
-Link to Wattpad-