*critique me* (you post, I critique)

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*critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Cadin Araceli » Thu Aug 29, 2013 2:54 pm

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There are a lot of amazing pieces of writing out there, and not enough critiques of them. So here's a place to get your own piece critiqued!

If you post your writing below (what ever writing it is you want critiqued*), it will added it to the now reading list. As soon one of the critics has a chance, they will grab it and add it to the now reading list. Once it is completed, it will be added to the completed list with a link to the critique itself. IF you wish to have a certain person critique it, PLEASE say so in your original post. Feel free to ask for multiple critiques!

*If you would rather a private critique, feel free to send a pm! Just keep in mind that it will be critiqued in the order of which it was received. There is no line hoping.*

Please keep in mind that what is said isn't always the best advice, & there will be multiple opinions on every piece. If you would like to critique pieces as well, or know of another place someone could get a critique, please pm me so I can start to compile a list for you guys!


Critics:
Cadin Araceli/ Likes Prose poems and Fantasy, accepts all. MAIN CRITIQUE/works mainly Tuesdays and Wednesdays/Writing Examples/pm
MexicanGrizzlyBear/Likes wolves, won't do sci-fi/works mainly nights/Writing Example/pm
watermelon./Likes fiction, accepts all/ works mainly Weekends/Writing Example/pm
Lady Raven/accepts all/Varies/Writing Example/pm
luminescence. (aka lumi)/Likes sci-fi, dystopian, and fantasy, won't accept poetry, historical fiction, and non-fiction/Writing Example/pm

*accepting more now*

If you have any questions, comments, or would like to apply to be a critic, feel free to send me a pm!


*Though not required, I would prefer if the writing is on chickensmoothie as opposed to any other site. thank you

Critique Application
Code: Select all
Username:
Writing style:
Example of writing:
Fav kind of writing:
Any styles you won't critique:
Days you are mostly able to critique:
Why you?:
pm to Cadin upon complition
Last edited by Cadin Araceli on Fri May 06, 2016 10:11 am, edited 20 times in total.
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Cadin Araceli » Thu Aug 29, 2013 2:54 pm



Critiqued Works:
(link to piece/link to critique and critic)
~Butterrat's Poem/x by Cadin
~Not the End, but the Beginning of the End/x by Cadin
~Reflections/x by Cadin
~Mirian***/(PM'd)
~I'm coming home/x by Cadin
~Leaving Him/x by Cadin
~The Apocalypse/x by Cadin
~Tanetane's Poem/x by Cadin
~Tanetane's 2nd Poem/x by Cadin
~To Jump or Not to Jump/x by Cadin
~Gumlee Fanfiction/x by Cadin
~Life of Esmarelda Chapter 1/x by Cadin
~Life of Esmarelda Chapter 2/x by Cadin
~The Change/x by Cadin
~Heart and Hooves Day Magic (MLP fanfic)/x by Cadin
~Darkest Hour/x by Cadin
~TaneTane's 3rd poem/x by Cadin
~Pull the Trigger/x by Cadin
~Transforming Love/x by Cadin
~Insomnia (Comic)/x by Cadin
~Howl on the Wind/x by Cadin
~42.'s poem/x by Cadin
~Pursuit of the Key Holders (Sherlock Fanfic)/x by Cadin
~pugmaster's paragraph/x by Cadin
~Your Love is Blind Prologue/x by Cadin
~Never Again's Poem/x by Cadin
~Your Love is Blind (Chapter 1)/x by Cadin
~TaneTane's Song/x by Cadin
~Tomorrow/x by Cadin
~Where have you gone?/x by Cadin
~Living a Life of Lies***/x by Cadin
~You're love is blind (chap. 2)/x by Cadin
~Insomnia/x by Cadin
~Emo-Angel's 1st poem/x by Cadin
~Emo-Angel's 2nd poem/x by Cadin
~Eyes of Fire/x by Cadin
~Apacolypse/x by Cadin
~The Hunter/x by Cadin
~The Story of a YelowJacket Wasp/x by Cadin
~LunaClan/x by Lost Boy
~Beyond Anyar***/x by Cadin
~Tanetane's poem/x by Cadin
~Gumball Diary of Laru (1 &2)/x by Cadin
~Stolen Kisses/(PM'd)
~Star Wars: I Know Places (Part 1-11)/x by Cadin
~No title-prologue/x by watermelon.
~Confide In Me (First post)/(PM'd)
~Confide In Me (First Chapter)/x by Cadin
~Derek's Backstory & Semi-plausible Sequel/x by Cadin
~LightClan/x by Cadin
~Zodiac Link***/x by Cadin


*If I am missing your piece, or you don't want it up here, just send me a message!
***Off-site piece
Last edited by Cadin Araceli on Sat May 07, 2016 2:47 am, edited 76 times in total.
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Butterrat » Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:47 pm

OK, here goes!
Blue skies and green bushes

Race past my window

Such a beautiful sight

But not for that widow

She hangs on the side window

Just by a thread

Wind whipping at het till Whoops!

She falls like some lead.

Yeah, the widow is a widow spider. I was composing it in the car, and the line saying "but not for that widow" popped into my mind, so I used it.
Hello! Feel free to message me and/or ask for a gift bomb, I love talking to people!

FOR THIS MONTH ONLY!!
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Cadin Araceli » Thu Aug 29, 2013 3:59 pm

Alright! Well it's doesn't have a title so "butterrats' poem"
First off, it has a lot of promise and I think that if you expand it beyond just the lines and use it to convey a certain message or emotion or something like that, it would be really great!
But, that being said, there are a few things to consider.
First, if you have to explain a part of your poem for it to make sense, than you probably need to find a way for that explanation to be invalid.
Second, there is almost a rhyming pattern but not quite. Make sure either is has a pattern where is rhymes or is doesn't.
Thirdly, the only time you use punctuation is for "Whoops!" This makes that word stand out and seem important. Decided wether or not this word is supposed to, and edit accordingly.
And lastly (and this is more a personal thing) "some lead" doesn't quite make sense and it read oddly. I would consider re wording.
Overall, again, much promise. And a great job paying attention to the important of line breaks.
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CADIN


my poetry

◇ roleplayer ◇

◇loves chocolate & zombies ◇
◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
- As you can guess, my name is Cadin!
I am very friendly, feel free to PM or trade with me!
I might not be on 24/7, but I am still very active!

I will be on very spottily.
I am going through a lot of personal stuff.

◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby OctaSmile » Thu Aug 29, 2013 4:21 pm

Is it okay if I use the first chapter in stead of the whole story?
Image a classic example of a baroquen romantic Image
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Cadin Araceli » Thu Aug 29, 2013 5:23 pm

Of course! What ever you want me to look at :)
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Image
CADIN


my poetry

◇ roleplayer ◇

◇loves chocolate & zombies ◇
◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
- As you can guess, my name is Cadin!
I am very friendly, feel free to PM or trade with me!
I might not be on 24/7, but I am still very active!

I will be on very spottily.
I am going through a lot of personal stuff.

◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Captain Chomp » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:09 am

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Image

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Hey Captain Chomp here, wanna talk, just PM me I really like making new friends on here.
-
Sweetheart
My Bae
More To come <3

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Click him please <3
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Cadin Araceli » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:21 am

Of course! :)
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CADIN


my poetry

◇ roleplayer ◇

◇loves chocolate & zombies ◇
◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
- As you can guess, my name is Cadin!
I am very friendly, feel free to PM or trade with me!
I might not be on 24/7, but I am still very active!

I will be on very spottily.
I am going through a lot of personal stuff.

◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
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Cadin Araceli
 
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Captain Chomp » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:26 am

Thanks I need to be critiqued on other wise my sotries end up ust rotting because I can never see why I should finish them.
Image
Image

Image
Hey Captain Chomp here, wanna talk, just PM me I really like making new friends on here.
-
Sweetheart
My Bae
More To come <3

Image


Image
Click him please <3
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Captain Chomp
 
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Re: *critique me* (you post, I critique)

Postby Cadin Araceli » Fri Aug 30, 2013 6:38 am

Not the End, but the Beginning of the End
So it starts off really amazing! I have all these questions as to why there is a building on fire and what exactly is going on and it really draws me in. The description is amazing, and I hope you are able to keep it up as you continue with your story (yes, you're continuing. I have questions that need answers)
But once the conversation starts, you kind of deviate away from your characters mind set so quickly it's kind of confusing. Make sure you keep letting us know what's going through your characters head just as much as you did before the conversation. Especially in the beginning. This allows us to move through the emotions with him, and find out exactly who your character it.
Also, there are places where it gets clogged up with a lot of adjectives and it choppy. Reading it allowed and kind of viewing character actions in your head should help you clear that up.
Then there is the fact that this is the prologue and I still am not sure what's going on. Just a building on fire. If you could throw in a little more explanation, just enough that we have a better idea but not a full idea, that would be great and I think it would also help you move into the later sections.
Do a proof read through, there was some spelling errors. Easily missed but always good to get just the same.
And this came more from my old English teacher and I try to keep to it as much as possible "Tears must be earned." Meaning there has to be a lot of emotion behind crying. Not just to show someone is sad or to make it dramatic. Being that it is only the first draft of your prologue, maybe the tears shed so far are earned. But at this point it is coming off as cheesy and overdone.
Overall, good read. I can't wait to read more and see what else happens!
Image
Image
CADIN


my poetry

◇ roleplayer ◇

◇loves chocolate & zombies ◇
◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
- As you can guess, my name is Cadin!
I am very friendly, feel free to PM or trade with me!
I might not be on 24/7, but I am still very active!

I will be on very spottily.
I am going through a lot of personal stuff.

◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦◦
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Cadin Araceli
 
Posts: 1743
Joined: Sat Dec 18, 2010 5:29 pm
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