why dont we -- r u n a w a y

[Fray & Paris]

r u n a w a y

Why don't we runaway?
We can leave our problems at the door.
- Artist vs Poet



I'll just post random writing here.
Most of these won't even make sense, probably.
Oh, and feel free to comment. c:

- Fray x

[Fray & Paris]

~


The rain blurred her vision.
Well, it could be the rain.
The better bet would be her tears that wouldn't spill.
They wouldn't spill; she wouldn't let them. She didn't want them to, they were useless stupid tears that shouldn't have been there in the first place. The person who caused them wasn't worth it. They weren't.

"What's the matter?" someone asked.

The voice was familiar, but sadness made her mind fuzzy and she couldn't work out the name of the person behind the sympathy. She shook her head slowly and not even bothering to look up, trudged on through the shallow puddles not caring about the splashing on her tights and the cold chill it left on her thinly-covered skin.

All she knew now was that she's losing a friend, and it's effortless.

"A friend, or an enemy?" another friend pressed, once. He bit his lip, knowing what he said was slightly risky.
She paused.
"I don't know." she whispered.

She laughed bitterly at the memory.

The relationship was incomprehensible, to everyone, even her.
So why was she desperately trying to cling to it?

[Fray & Paris]

Exactly Who Our Friends Are

She didn't feel good enough for anyone.
Everyone, it seemed was distancing themselves, right away from her.
And she wasn't angry at them.
She could never be angry at them.
No matter what happened, no matter how many times they hurt her, trampled on her and flicked her right off, she could never turn down their companionship. Every single time, she'd forgive them and tell herself that it would be better this time. This time, nothing would go wrong, even though she knew that would never be the case.

So instead, she was always angry at herself if anything went wrong. Somehow, she'd turn the situation right the away around to make it so that it was her fault. Sometimes she even twisted her own memories. Made herself believe things. Things that could make her accountable for what happened.
Regret became one of the feelings she felt the most.

Staring at the ceiling, she wondered what she did wrong this time. Did she say something wrong? Did they find anything she said offensive? Was she too clingy, too annoying?
The last question brought a familiar feeling. Guilt washed over her like a tsunami.
She always felt like she bothered them.
Whenever she spoke, it often felt like it was out of place, like it wasn't her turn yet. It rarely felt right.
A lot of the time, it was as if they don't notice she'd opened her mouth anyway.

Sighing, she rolled over and closed her eyes.
Why couldn't we live in a world where we knew exactly who our friends are?

[Fray & Paris]

Overdramatic

She buried her head in her hands.
"You're too overdramatic," they sneered. "Lighten up!"
She couldn't help but agree.
They were completely correct; she knew she over-thought about things.
Often that made things worse than they actually were in her mind.

But I can't help it! she wanted to scream.

[Fray & Paris]

Remember Me?

She smiled, chuckling lightly every now and again, as she scrolled through their old conversations.

Looking back, she didn't actually know how they'd drifted apart. It seemed so strange for a bond as strong as theirs back then had weakened, and she couldn't even remember the reason why.

Staring at the pen icon, she wondered if she should start a conversation.
It had been so long.
Perhaps they didn't want to talk to her.
Perhaps they didn't like her anymore.
Perhaps they don't even remember her.

As soon as she thought this, she mentally scolded herself.
Don't be stupid.

Of course she would remember her. Maybe they weren't thinking about her right now, or ever again unless brought up, but surely they wouldn't forget. They had been too close.

She weighed her options. There wasn't really any cons to this, apart from being pushed further apart, but she didn't feel like it mattered anymore. Whatever place they used to have in her heart, it was numb. The pro, of course, would that their friendship might be rekindled, and that place in her heart might be brought back to life.

With that in mind, she clicked the pen icon and started her message.

Hey! she wrote. Remember me?

[Fray & Paris]

One Last Chance

She hated herself.
She hated herself for being so stupid and taking advantage of a second chance like that, the way she did.
How was she supposed to ask someone who had every single right to hate her, to forgive her faults? She'd already messed up once. They had let it go. Then she disappointed again. Would they let it go this time?
Truth be told, a part of her didn't want to be forgiven.
A part of her told her that she wasn't worth the third chance. She was just a foolish, pathetic and useless excuse for a person, and she would probably just make a repeat performance. The guilt was aching this time. The thought of breaking their trust again in itself made her feel sick. She'd probably go insane.

If they gave her one last chance now, would she take it?
She wasn't sure.

[Fray & Paris]

~

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't..." she stammered, but they had stopped listening.

If she tried to fix it... no, no, that would be too much to ask.
Besides, she'd end up saying something wrong again.
Probably.
Most likely.
It always happened.
She always said something she'd regret.

One day, she'll learn to think before she spoke. But until then, she'll have to regret every single conversation.

[Fray & Paris]

~

She didn't feel like trying again anymore.
They'd all get sick of her in the end.

What was the point in going through all that pain over and over again?
Someone remind her, because she's forgotten.

[Fray & Paris]

~

Outside, she smiled.
Inside, she died.

And when she was out of sight, she cried.

[Fray & Paris]

~

"I really don't like this." she'd complained.
And then they stopped.
But they looked like they were enjoying it.
Why on earth did she have to ruin their fun?

She felt quite selfish.
Her actions and words, thoughts and opinions, feelings and all, she felt bad about having them.

She knew that it was only because they cared - but that didn't mean she didn't feel guilty.