Exactly Who Our Friends Are
She didn't feel good enough for anyone.
Everyone, it seemed was distancing themselves, right away from her.
And she wasn't angry at them.
She could never be angry at them.
No matter what happened, no matter how many times they hurt her, trampled on her and flicked her right off, she could never turn down their companionship. Every single time, she'd forgive them and tell herself that it would be better this time. This time, nothing would go wrong, even though she knew that would never be the case.
So instead, she was always angry at herself if anything went wrong. Somehow, she'd turn the situation right the away around to make it so that it was her fault. Sometimes she even twisted her own memories. Made herself believe things. Things that could make her accountable for what happened.
Regret became one of the feelings she felt the most.
Staring at the ceiling, she wondered what she did wrong this time. Did she say something wrong? Did they find anything she said offensive? Was she too clingy, too annoying?
The last question brought a familiar feeling. Guilt washed over her like a tsunami.
She always felt like she bothered them.
Whenever she spoke, it often felt like it was out of place, like it wasn't her turn yet. It rarely felt right.
A lot of the time, it was as if they don't notice she'd opened her mouth anyway.
Sighing, she rolled over and closed her eyes.
Why couldn't we live in a world where we knew exactly who our friends are?