Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Join or create fan clubs about your favorite things!

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby Sirius.B » Fri Sep 22, 2017 10:55 am

The Succulent Queen wrote:
Sirius.B wrote:Hiii. It's my first year playing LO/LO, as I've stated a few times. Was just wondering if I could get some opinions/critiques on my stories? :D
~snip~



Oh my goodness, I love this so much!! the treat and trick poems are especially cute and I'm just in awe omg <3 <3 <3 (I cut it on my quote bc it was so long... but I am commenting on the stories <3)


Thank you SO much!! <3 It makes me so happy that someone liked them
Image
Image
...treats | tricks
Image given: 207 | 14
Image received: 281 | 25
User avatar
Sirius.B
 
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:47 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby BrightDays » Fri Sep 22, 2017 11:46 am

Hi all, been playing for a few years now hut I would like critique on my trick or treat dress up and story.
My dress up: Image
Pet's name: Daisy

tot story wrote:Daisy glanced at her costume, which was a Winter Fairy Ice Skater. The reasoning behind her costume being that She couldn’t decide on whether to be a Winter Fairy or an Ice Skater, so she decided to use both and combine them. Glancing at her costume, she smiled as she looked in the mirror. She knew had to carry her skates down to the door, and needed to find her wand for the fairy part of her costume. Searching her room with her eyes, she saw the yellow star part of her wand sticking out from under her bed. “Aha,” she cried, grabbing it and going back o the mirror. “Finally complete,” she barked happily. Glancing at the clock, she smiled. “Almost time for the first trick or treater,” she murmured, heading downstairs.

After a while, the doorbell rang. “Yeah, trick or treat time!” Daisy barked, her tail wagging as she rushed to the door, grabbing her trick or treat bag and the candy bowl to give candy out. “Here you go,” she smiled at the trick or treater, giving them a piece of candy. “I’m heading out!” she called to her family, making sure she had everything before she left her house. Hmm, do the houses before mine, then cross the street, do that side, cross again and then make my way home, hitting houses on the way, she thought, heading away from her house and towards the first house, seeing the lights were on. Knocking on the door, she called out, “Trick or Treat!”
Last edited by BrightDays on Sat Sep 23, 2017 2:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image
Happy Halloween!
User avatar
BrightDays
 
Posts: 18925
Joined: Sat Aug 16, 2008 7:32 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby britneyrox » Fri Sep 22, 2017 12:58 pm

Sirius.B wrote:Hiii. It's my first year playing LO/LO, as I've stated a few times. Was just wondering if I could get some opinions/critiques on my stories? :D

-snip-


      You'll need to be sure the door doesn't open in your trick-or-treater story. That's against the rules, so your form will be declined as is. Other than that, I think your dressup is really cute and like the use of scenery items! c:









Image
╔══════════════╗
━━━━━━━━━
pm me at any time,
i'm happy to chat!

hope you have a
happy halloween!

━━━━━━━━━

╚══════════════╝
╔══════════════╗

━━━━━━━━━━━
Image
Image
━━━━━━━━━━━
╚══════════════╝











Image
═══════════════
─── mø ───
═══════════════
Image











╔════════════╗
━━━━━━━━━
all this life
i've been
Image
── by ──
Image

━━━━━━━━━
╚════════════╝
╔════════════╗

━━━━━━━━━

━━━━━━━━━
╚════════════╝
Image









User avatar
britneyrox
 
Posts: 17543
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 12:40 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby Sirius.B » Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:26 pm

britneyrox wrote:
Sirius.B wrote:Hiii. It's my first year playing LO/LO, as I've stated a few times. Was just wondering if I could get some opinions/critiques on my stories? :D

-snip-


      You'll need to be sure the door doesn't open in your trick-or-treater story. That's against the rules, so your form will be declined as is. Other than that, I think your dressup is really cute and like the use of scenery items! c:


That's one of the things that was confusing :( I don't understand how we're supposed to end it with "trick or treat!" if the door doesn't open..

And thank you!
Image
Image
...treats | tricks
Image given: 207 | 14
Image received: 281 | 25
User avatar
Sirius.B
 
Posts: 659
Joined: Thu Oct 11, 2012 10:47 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby NovaSkye » Fri Sep 22, 2017 3:31 pm

Sirius.B wrote:
britneyrox wrote:
Sirius.B wrote:Hiii. It's my first year playing LO/LO, as I've stated a few times. Was just wondering if I could get some opinions/critiques on my stories? :D

-snip-


      You'll need to be sure the door doesn't open in your trick-or-treater story. That's against the rules, so your form will be declined as is. Other than that, I think your dressup is really cute and like the use of scenery items! c:


That's one of the things that was confusing :( I don't understand how we're supposed to end it with "trick or treat!" if the door doesn't open..

And thank you!


      It still makes sense if you just take out "Once the door swung open," at the end of your story!<3
Random Info wrote:Heya, I'm NovaSkye but feel free to
call me Nova! She/Her pronouns, please.
Infj | Taken | Professional Slacker
"I'm hurting deep down but can't show it" xxx
PMs always open, ask for Discord!
My Makoatls | My Kalons | My Kintaurs
Family: Big Sis
        xxxxxxImage
    View my Treats and Tricks given/recieved!
    I will not be allowing double dipping this year! Apologies!
    I get to messages slowly, Please have patience ♥
    ~~Join the game here!~~
    |Treats Given: 130|Received: 33|Tricks Given: 1|Recieved: 6|

    Please don't title messages "LOLO" or otherwise! As a Mod, it gets confusing!
User avatar
NovaSkye
 
Posts: 9405
Joined: Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:13 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby musicgurl333 » Fri Sep 22, 2017 4:00 pm

Sirius.B wrote:
britneyrox wrote:
Sirius.B wrote:Hiii. It's my first year playing LO/LO, as I've stated a few times. Was just wondering if I could get some opinions/critiques on my stories? :D

-snip-


      You'll need to be sure the door doesn't open in your trick-or-treater story. That's against the rules, so your form will be declined as is. Other than that, I think your dressup is really cute and like the use of scenery items! c:


That's one of the things that was confusing :( I don't understand how we're supposed to end it with "trick or treat!" if the door doesn't open..

And thank you!


I understand your confusion. In real life, you wouldn't say "trick-or-treat" to a closed door. But in the game, some people have greeters to give out tricks or treats, and some may not open the door. By having the door open you're sort of taking control of the other person's side of the story, if that makes sense. To get around this, I've seen some people end their story with something like, "and then they knocked and waited to see if it would open, ready to say, "trick-or-treat!" That way you're not making the other person's "door" open, but your pet isn't yelling through a closed door either. Hopefully that helps! :)
User avatar
musicgurl333
 
Posts: 22382
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 5:38 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby Seabird » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:09 pm

@BrightDays - I think your story is pretty solid! It's short, sweet, and meets all the requirements. If you plan on adding anything, I would personally love to see more detail about how the weather/environment is outside. Otherwise, you story could definitely work as it is!
ღღ Hiya, I'm Seabird! ღღ



ImageImageImage

More From Me wrote:
Mood - Relaxed ♠ Currently doing - Putting off schoolwork ♠
Other Stuff wrote:
Links

Image
-------------------------------------
ImageImageImage
ImageImageImage
I love trades, feel free to send one!

Image

☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
☆๑☆
๑☆๑
Image
User avatar
Seabird
 
Posts: 1136
Joined: Mon May 09, 2011 5:23 am
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby Oshawott8888 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:45 pm

any ideas of items i can use on these 2 dressups for my LOLO trick message? i'm trying to make a crazy little kid and a frazzled mom :'>

ImageImage
Image
Image
Image
If I tricked you, feel free to come back in
24 hours,just tell me that I did so ^-^
Image
─────────────────────────────────────────
Image
ImageImageImage
Image
ImageImageImageImage
Image




















............................................
ImageHi! I'm Osha!Image
ImageAnime and BTS obsessedImage
ImageLoves BirbsImage
Image
............................................
───────{Image}─────
Image
.....................
Image.
Image.
.....................

.....................ImageImageImage
Internet Addict~
ImageImage
User avatar
Oshawott8888
 
Posts: 17413
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2016 12:07 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby Coraychi » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:52 pm

Oshawott8888 wrote:any ideas of items i can use on these 2 dressups for my LOLO trick message? i'm trying to make a crazy little kid and a frazzled mom :'>

ImageImage


Some sad or tired eyes on the mom might help!
You've got a few of those to choose from if you'd like to go that route. Maybe a toy from the 'held in mouth' section? Would look like she's cleaning up or carrying toys around for her pup.
If you want the kid to look like they're making a mess of the house, some scattered plushies and paint splats on the wall would be a good idea! They're looking cute so far! :'D
Image

I'm not accepting any trades this month!
My trading center is reserved for LoLo only, so unless I'm on the trading threads, please don't send any my way! (-‿-)


Given: 78 | 5
Received: 23 | 2
User avatar
Coraychi
 
Posts: 2542
Joined: Sun Aug 23, 2009 2:17 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Re: Lights On Lights Off Fanclub

Postby Oshawott8888 » Sat Sep 23, 2017 1:58 pm

Coraychi wrote:
Oshawott8888 wrote:any ideas of items i can use on these 2 dressups for my LOLO trick message? i'm trying to make a crazy little kid and a frazzled mom :'>

ImageImage


Some sad or tired eyes on the mom might help!
You've got a few of those to choose from if you'd like to go that route. Maybe a toy from the 'held in mouth' section? Would look like she's cleaning up or carrying toys around for her pup.
If you want the kid to look like they're making a mess of the house, some scattered plushies and paint splats on the wall would be a good idea! They're looking cute so far! :'D

Alright thank you so much!

How the story goes is that the kid is throwing eggs basically, so are there any like
broken egg items that anyone can think of?
or maybe a broom for the mother?
Image
Image
Image
If I tricked you, feel free to come back in
24 hours,just tell me that I did so ^-^
Image
─────────────────────────────────────────
Image
ImageImageImage
Image
ImageImageImageImage
Image




















............................................
ImageHi! I'm Osha!Image
ImageAnime and BTS obsessedImage
ImageLoves BirbsImage
Image
............................................
───────{Image}─────
Image
.....................
Image.
Image.
.....................

.....................ImageImageImage
Internet Addict~
ImageImage
User avatar
Oshawott8888
 
Posts: 17413
Joined: Tue Jul 26, 2016 12:07 pm
My pets
My items
My wishlist
My gallery
My dressups
Trade with me

Return to Clubs and armies

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: BreRo<3, Doom Paws, p-lasticplants, SelenaSilverwolf, steamplonk and 3 guests